Unusual Nicknames In Football.

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Ah, name-calling: a practice that is now inextricable from the intricately-woven culture of football (and sport in general, actually).

Some are “legitimate”, some are gathered from various fansites, forums and word-of-mouth, and some are… from my colorful imagination. Wherever they’re from, all I know is, it is highly amusing and infinitely funnier to give footballers weird monickers:

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Xabi AlonsoMr. Perfect, Dexter, The Long Ranger


Daniel AggerDagger, Aggersome


Nicolas Anelka- Le Sulk

Andrei ArshavinArseshaving

David Beckham- Becksywecksy, Mr. PWhipped, Goldenballs

Joey BartonJoey Farton, JB, Mr. Hipster-Homicidal-Secretly a Teddy Bear Footballer

Craig Bellamy- Bellend

Rafa Benitez- Fat Spanish Waiter

Karim Benzema- KBenz

Dmitar Berbatov- BRBtov

Sepp Blatter- Sepptic Blatter, Sepp BlahBlahtter

Bojan- El Jailbait

Jamie Carragher- Carradonna, 23CarraGold

Iker Casillas- Mofeta, El Dork, San Nevernude

Petr Cech- Cechmate

Ashley Cole- A.Hole, Mr. Tweedy

Didier Drogba- The Drog, The Drog’s Balls

Patrice Evra- Whatevra

Cesc Fabregas- Cescbomb

Rio Ferdinand- Braapder, Oreo

Sir Alex Ferguson- Rednose, Purplenose, Hairdyer Master

Steven Gerrard- The G, Captain Fantastic

Pep Guardiola- Peppers

Guti- El Diva, Gutiiiiii!!!!

Roy Hodgson- Woyster

Gerard Houllier- Monsieur “We’re turning the corner soon”

Mats Hummels- Prince Mats

Andres IniestaCasper, Miniesta, Geniusta

Stephen Ireland- Stephen England; Otter

Toni Kroos- Count Kroos

Philip Lahm- Emperor Lahm

Frank Lampard- Mr. Deflection, Fat Lampard, Lumpard

Juan Mata- John Matter

Jose MourinhoJMo, Trollinho, Maureen

David Moyes- Gollum

Thomas Mueller- Precious Tommy

Michael Owen- Little Mickey, PermaCrock, MUMO

Lionel Messi- Football Messter, Mes Que Un Player

Mesut OzilBambi, Deer-Caught-In-Headlights

Gerard PiqueMr. Moc Moc, Mr. Christmas Tree, Piquechu, Mr. HerpDerp

Lukas Podolski- Polkadot, Prince Poldi

Carles Puyol- Slash, Tarzan

Peter Ramage- Rampage

Sergio Ramos- The Ramos, Alice in Wonderband, The Horse Whisperer, El Caballo

Harry Redknapp- ‘Arry ‘Oudini

Jamie Redknapp- Mr. “He’ll be disappointed with that”, Glass

Pepe Reina- El Jester, Pepsicle

Frank Ribery- The Face

Cristiano Ronaldo- Crispy, Eurogrease, Cristina

Ronaldo- Teletubby, Bucktooth

Wayne Rooney- Grannynator, Shrek

Bastian Schweinsteiger- Swaggermeister

Paul Scholes- Gingerpubes

Alan Shearer- She-Ra

David Silva- David Silver

Martin Skrtel- Skittles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtle

Jay Spearing- Spearochaun

Luis Suarez- Gerbil

John Terry- Cockney Yob

Fernando Torres- Fernanda Tresses, Ratita

Francesco Totti- Top Totty

Victor Valdes- The “Not Iker Casillas” Spanish Goalkeeper, VV

Andre Villas-Boas- Mourinho 2.0, Like A Boas

Neil Warnock- Nutter Neil

Arsene Wenger- Mr. Myopia, Mr. “I Didn’t See The Incident”

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Do you have your own kickass contribution/s? Leave a comment below and I’ll add it/them to the list!

Video of the Day: That Five Goals That Made A Nation Believe.

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That historic 5-1 win of England vs Germany (on German soil, at that) turned 10 years old yesterday.

Really, I never felt it has been that long. I can still remember celebrating Michael Owen’s hattrick, Steven Gerrard’s and Emile Heskey’s goals as if they happened only a few months ago.

Truth be told, this was the England team that made their nation truly believe. All others that followed are just pale substitutions.

The Fernando Torres Transfer Saga: Glee-Style.

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Just in case you’ve been temporarily cut off from the modern world and you haven’t been following the news, here’s the condensed version of the 2010 January Football Transfer Window’s Biggest Drama, executed Glee-style for the attention-impaired:

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1. July 2010. Post-World Cup. Rumors swirl that Fernando Torres will leave Liverpool for Chelsea. Fernando calms the Anfield faithful and the board by pledging his commitment to the club, to the tune of Rehab by Amy Winehouse:

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2. Fast forward to January 2011. Three days before the Transfer Window closes, Fernando Torres shocks the Liverpool fans and turns the football world upside down by handing in a transfer request, after persistent interest from Chelsea could not be contained any longer. Fernando defends himself to the tune of Stay by Lisa Loeb:

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3. January 31, 2011. After years of being a much-adored Liverpool player, Fernando Torres officially becomes a Chelsea player. He is nonplussed by the anger and disappointment of Liverpool fans and further defends his decision of a last-minute move, to the tune of My Prerogative by Bobby Brown:

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4. Meanwhile, here’s what the two remaining Scouse Stalwarts of Liverpool FC– Steven Gerrard and Jamie Carragher–think of their ex-teammate’s departure, to the tune of Forget You by Cee Lo Green:

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Whether you’ll be on the pitch or warming the bench, I wish you good luck on Sunday in facing the traveling Kop, Fernando. Trust me, you are going to need all the luck you can get.

The Twelve Days of Christmas…Football-Style!

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By viewing this entry, you are hereby required to sing the song while reading this post. 🙂

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On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the fifth  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the seventh  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the eighth  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Eight Ikers a-wagging

Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the ninth  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Nine Yoanns strolling

Eight Ikers a-wagging

Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the tenth  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Ten Webbs a-carding

Nine Yoanns strolling

Eight Ikers a-wagging

Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the eleventh  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Eleven Mous a-boasting

Ten Webbs a-carding

Nine Yoanns strolling

Eight Ikers a-wagging

Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

On the twelfth  day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…
Twelve players a-brawling

Eleven Mous a-boasting

Ten Webbs a-carding

Nine Yoanns strolling

Eight Ikers a-wagging

Seven Nandos stretching

Six Xabis winking

Five Owens!

Four laughing Becks

Three Lions

Two Stevie G’s

and A framed pic of Spain NT.

HAVE A HAPPY &  BOUNCEBACKABLE HOLIDAY SEASON!