Photo Of The Day: Will The Real Ice Cream Man Please Stand Up (Please Stand Up…)?

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From the wonderful world of tumblr.com

It’s the F1 German GP this weekend, so have a German ex-F1 driver eating some ice cream for your visual pleasure. Oh, and of course, I’m throwing in Kimi Raikkonen eating some ice cream as well, because it’s a proven fact that anything with Kimi on it draws views.

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P.S. This is my thinly-veiled attempt to conceal the fact that I haven’t had the time for new updates.

P.P.S. Please be patience. Some help is going on. (If you didn’t get that “joke”, you must not be a football fan. It’s okay, I understand.)

Twelve Days of Christmas: F1 Style*!

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*You are now hereby required to sing while reading this post. Don’t be a Scrooge now, I know you can do it!

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On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
A pic of comebacking Kimi!
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On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eleven Lewis’ spinning
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Twelve Vettels a-swaggin’
Eleven Lewis’ spinning
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684193851684

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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P.S. Credit to f1-gifs.tumblr.com for some of the gifs used. If you made/own some of the others, please leave a message so i can credit you. Thanks!

Achtung, Baby: A Poem for Nick Heidfeld*.

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*In honor of his valiant Malaysian GP 2011 drive.

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Quick Nick is his name,
Formula One is his game.

He wore yellow and black,
From the start, blitzed the pack.

Unpredictable, his pace,
Surprised in so many ways.

He pushed ever so well,
His rivals went, “What the hell?”

Degrading tyres? Never mind,
A calmer driver, you shan’t find.

The fight went down the wire,
Drove like his bum was on fire.

His first win, he’s still chasing,
Go on son, just keep racing!

He’s the Driver of the Day,
Made neutral fans go, “Hooray!”

What makes him good may sound weird,
His mojo’s stored in his beard.

Keep up this charge, Quick Nick,
May Lady Luck with you, stick!

 

 

Didn't I tell you he's a Firework?

Presenting The Class of 2011: F1 Drivers and Their Theme Songs.

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Spare a thought for us, ardent racing fans. We’ve all endured months of motorsport drought, at times desperately pressing Refresh on our web browsers to check on the latest news, gossip and developments from our favourite websites and scouring numerous forums for video clips of the past seasons to analyze and tide us over until March rolls along. Now, the wait is almost over–but before we can formally welcome the new season, we must meet the main characters of this year’s sitcom/soap opera/circus. Who will be the heroes and who will be the villains? We all have to stay tuned to find out.

Meanwhile, if F1 drivers should have their own theme songs, what will they be?

"The winner takes it all...The The loser has to faallll...It’s simple and it’s plain Why should I complain...?"

Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)- The Winner Takes It All by Abba

While his infamous sense of humor makes him the perfect candidate to spontaneously bust out Abba songs during videoke nights, this gangly German is all business when it comes to racing. Going all out on a crucial race even if it means banging into his teammate and being unapologetic for his status as the team’s “favoured driver”, he ain’t called “Baby Schumi” for nothing. Expect the youngest WDC to use all his grit in the fight to keep his title. And then, maybe, he’ll treat us to a rendition of an Abba song afterward for our entertainment.

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"My stupid mouth, has got me in trouble. I said too much again..."

Mark Webber (Red Bull)- My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer

F1’s very own motor-mouth has gained equal parts supporters and critics with his unusual way of publicly voicing out his uncensored opinion before settling disputes and misunderstandings with his teammate, bosses and rival drivers. But let’s face it, F1 will definitely be less interesting without his unique brand of candor and perspective, so let’s hope this Aussie continues to rev up his 2nd engine, as he attempts to prove he’s nobody’s lapdog this season. Get your earplugs ready, people!

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"Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me, why can't they just let me live? I don't need permission, make my own decisions, that's my prerogative..."

Fernando Alonso (Ferrari)-My Prerogative by Bobby Brown

If winning a WDC gives a driver added moxie, then it’s small wonder that Nando has double the amount of what’s legal in terms of confidence (some will say arrogance). He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not averse to going to the extremes to get what he wants (just ask Lewis Hamilton, Felipe Massa, Vitaly Petrov. etc. etc.), when he wants it. He’s certainly not everyone’s cup of tea (or should that be sangria?), but as long as his hands are firmly grasping a winner’s trophy, this bushy-eyebrowed Spaniard is muy happy.

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"Aint about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other siiide...It's the cliiimmmbbb..."

Felipe Massa (Ferrari)- The Climb by Miley Cyrus

He was the driver the Scuderia retained over the likes of Michael Schumacher and Kimi Raikkonen (insert collective gasp here), so shouldn’t he have won at least 1 WDC by now? Whether it’s by unfortunate circumstances (note his horrific accident in the 2009 Hungarian GP weekend) or by some unexplained forces, this Brazilian’s quest for his first Championship is proving to be quite a Climb, indeed. Take heed from Ms. Cyrus’ “wise words”, Felipe: Ain’t about how fast you get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the Cliiimbbb…

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"Push it, make the beats go harder...Pu-pu-push it!"

Lewis Hamilton (McLaren)- Push It by Garbage

He was groomed to be the boy-next-door, mothers-grandmas-and-fluffy-puppies-love-him F1 ambassador since Day 1 of his career, but his boyish looks belie the hard-as-nails driver persona which surfaces every time he dons his yellow helmet. Fellow drivers must not be fooled by his innocent gap-toothed smile, when he’s in his silver McLaren car, he is unafraid to push the limits, so much so that even Canadian beavers scamper away when they see and hear him approaching.

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"You can't always get what you want...But if you try sometimes you might find...You get what you need..."

Jenson Button (McLaren)- You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones

It seems never a race passes by without this Englishman being caught on team radio complaining about something in his car: Whether it be vibrations, tyre choice, car balance, or his cup of tea not being hot enough or having enough sugars (okay, I added that last bit), it’s truly an event when he comes out of the car and says he’s “happy” with it. It is hoped that this season, Mr. Button will do more racing and less whinging. Put that 2009 WDC racing skills to good use, will you?

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"And more, much more than this...I did it Myyyyy Wayyyyyy..."

Michael Schumacher (Mercedes GP)- My Way by Frank Sinatra

Say it with me: He’s won it 7 Times. Making an F1 comeback in an age considered ancient by critics is something weak-hearted drivers will not even attempt to do. He does things his own way, never mind what the other drivers and the critics will say. Then again, he is THE Michael Schumacher, the driver that represented a whole era of the sport, and if 7 titles do not give him some sort of entitlement to have some swagger around the paddock, then I don’t know what will. Oh, and he’s probably the only driver in the group (except maybe Rubens) who knows the lyrics to this song.

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"You're so vain...I bet you think this song is about you, you're soooo vain..."

Nico Rosberg (Mercedes GP)-You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

Sometimes, you have to feel for poor Nico Rosberg: He’s a more-than-decent racer, he seems like a nice guy, and it’s quite difficult to dislike him, but why in heavens’ sake is he more known for having the monicker “Britney” inside and outside the paddock? Perhaps it’s high time for him to stop worrying about the state of his golden locks (although I have to admit they are magnificent) and focus more on what his job description primarily entails: winning and collecting points. And fulfilling his potential as The Next Big Thing. P.S. Can you imagine the reaction in the paddock if he ever decides to shave all of his hair off? Just a thought.

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"Baby you're a Fiiireeework... Come on show them what you're worth! Make them go Ohh Ohh Ohhh...As you shoot across the skyyy..."

Nick Heidfeld (Lotus Renault)- Firework by Katy Perry

While it is rather unfortunate that this hardworking German has always been eclipsed by his teammates, his loyal followers will always believe that he is bound to snatch that elusive first race win soon enough. He may not have the flamboyance nor the showmanship of his fellow drivers, but he wasn’t nicknamed ‘Quick Nick’ for nothing. So go grab that brown manbag of yours and show them what you’re worth this season, Nick! P.S. Hopefully, he decides to repeat his infamous dance moves and do them in the podium when (not if) he gets his race win. That would be Epic.

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"So, you're a rocket scientist...That don't impress me much."

Vitaly Petrov (Lotus Renault)- That Don’t Impress Me Much by Shania Twain

The man who marches to the beat of his own drums, the driver who is not fazed by rumours of being replaced by Kimi Raikkonen and refused to kowtow to a double-WDC winner when a Championship is on the line. At times he is completely anonymous, but when he makes his presence felt, he makes sure it’s headline-worthy. So unless you can offer something so extraordinarily out-of-this-world, I’m sorry, but this Russian is just simply too hard to impress.

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"This is my quest, to follow that star...No matter how hopeless, no matter how faaar..."

Rubens Barrichello (Williams)- The Impossible Dream by Jack Jones

We have to give credit when credit is due–Rubens is now an institution to F1, considering that he’s still out there and banging wheels with other drivers who still wore nappies when he was already rubbing elbows with the now-legendary drivers. However, much like Felipe Massa, his continuous attempt to win a WDC may just become a mere pipe dream. No harm in trying, though. So carry on, Rubens, if for anything, at least Schumi still has a batchmate to reminisce those ‘good ‘ol times’ with.

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"Your technique it leaves me weak...My heart knows it's the beat I seek...(And I found it)...Just got lucky...Just got lucky..."

Pastor Maldonado (Williams)- Just Got Lucky by Jo Boxers

Wrangling a racing seat away from the 2010 Brazilian GP pole-sitter and ex-GP2 champ Nico Hulkenberg is no easy feat, and although the cynics say his hiring was more brought about by cold business and the element of luck, this GP2 Champ will be determined to prove his worth and make Williams fans forget about the Golden Boy he supposedly dethroned.

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"Now I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) And its startin' to feel good..."

Heikki Kovalainen (Lotus)- Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves

Heikki seemed to have missed the “Poker Face” memo circulated among Finnish racing drivers, but that amazingly worked to his advantage. In a racing series that was dominated by the icy-coolness of Raikkonen and Hakkinen, his eternal optimism and ready cheery smile is a breath of fresh air for some fans. Plus, his hardwork, quick-thinking (remember his stint as a firefighter in the 2010 Singapore GP?) and go-go-go attitude makes him a perfect team player, indeed.

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"Do it nice and easy now don't lose control...A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul...So come on, come on,Do the loco-motion with meeee..."

Jarno Trulli (Lotus)- Locomotion by Kylie Minogue

Seriously, you have not been an F1 fan long enough if you don’t immediately deduce the connection between Jarno and this song. Although he has not driven absolute duds during his career, fellow drivers have always dreaded the thought of being stuck behind “The Trulli Train” at any point in a race. Besides, I bet Jarno must have busted some swell moves to this tune at least once during his younger days.

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"I don't wanna rock, dj...But you're making me feel so nice. When's this gonna stop, dj? You'll be keeping me up all night..."

Jaime Alguersuari (Toro Rosso)- Rock DJ by Robbie Williams

This youngest-ever F1 driver makes incurring penalties from Race Control positively cool. And then goes on to produce sick beats in honor of them. Youth is certainly not wasted on this lad. Future Champ/Icon in the making? Perhaps. I bet he surreptitiously unplugs his earphones from the car radio during races and connects them to his iPod instead. Rock on, Mr. Racer by Day, DJ by night.

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"Woohoo! When I feel heavy metal...Woohoo! And I'm pins and I'm needles! Woohoo! Well I lie and I'm easy...All of the time I am never sure why I need you..."

Sebastian Buemi (Toro Rosso)- Song 2 by Blur

He’s not as outspoken nor as headline-worthy as his teammate, but there’s something about Buemi that’s just intriguing. Is it his mysterious aura? Or is it just because you can’t help but cheer him on when he brashly takes on the more experienced drivers on track? Whatever it is, this song is much like Buemi, it doesn’t always make sense, but somehow, it works.

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"Take on me...Take me on...I'll be gone In a day or two..."

Kamui Kobayashi (Sauber)- Take On Me by A-ha

Hailed by some fans as The Second Coming of Takuma Sato, this fearless Japanese driver has accumulated a cult following because of his impressive defensive driving skills on racedays. He doesn’t care which team you’re from or what credentials you have, if you want to pass him, you have to take him on with all driving skills you have. Good luck with that!

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"Waiting for tonight, whoaaa...when you will be here in my arms...Waiting for tonight...whoaaa..."

Sergio Perez (Sauber)- Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez

So Alguersuari finally gets a playmate who’s born within the same decade as he was. Sergio may be a new kid on the F1 block, but his racing CV is already as long as a pitlane (okay, I jest). He’s been waiting for this chance all his life and now is the time to dig deep and give it all he has. Besides, he’s probably the only one who can do justice to this song’s Latin beats. Ole!

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"N-n-now that that don't kill me...Can only make me stronger...I need you to hurry up now...'Cause I can't wait much longer..."

Adrian Sutil (Force India)- Stronger by Kanye West

Unflappable. No amount of shunts, crashes nor catfights will dampen the spirit of this…gentle driver, and with every year that he stays in F1, he is getting closer and closer to a podium finish. Can we expect a more ‘gangsta’ Sutil to come out this season? Hopefully.

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"Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it..."

Paul diResta (Force India)- Finally by CeCe Peniston

At long last, the boy has made it into F1! Is he worth the wait, and can he justify the team’s decision to pick him over the more experienced Hulkenberg? For now, all he has to do is to sit back and enjoy his ride, for no one can predict if he can hold on to it for the whole season.

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"So many tears I've cried...So much pain inside...But baby it ain't over 'til it's over..."

Narain Kathikeyan (HRT)- It Ain\’t Over \’Til It\’s Over by Lenny Kravitz

It’s probably safe to bet that this driver’s favourite saying is “Try and try until you succeed”, judging by his colourful and ‘interesting’ journey in F1. Will his accumulated driving experience in other series help him revive his F1 career? well, it ain’t over ’til it’s over.

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"When the road gets dark...And you can no longer see...Just let my love throw a spark... And have a little faith in me..."

Vitantonio Liuzzi (HRT)- Have A Little Faith In Me by John Hiatt

He may not stay long enough in teams to become eligible for the Employee of the Year Award, but you have to give props to Tonio’s ability in besting younger drivers and snagging racing seats when it matters. Proof that sometimes, experience is preferred over youth and hype, if he can keep the car firmly on the track in as many races as possible, then his work is half done.

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"Hello silence, my old friend...I've come to talk with you again..."

Timo Glock (Virgin)- The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

Barring his involvement in the 2008 Brazilian GP WDC-gate, this quiet German has remained largely inconspicuous, although he does manage to pull out moments of brilliance when needed (note his 2009 Malaysian GP podium finish). He may have to endure wisecracks on his recent appendectomy going into the season-opener, but he’s still Virgin’s best hope in popping their point-less cherry (Yeah, I just had to use that pun. Deal with it).

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"Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Speaking words of wisdom, let it beee..."

Jerome D’Ambrosio (Virgin)- Let It Be by The Beatles

So he’s the first Belgian racer F1 will have in several years. The question is, will he become a dominant force (especially in Spa-Francorchamps) or a disappointing dud? He hasn’t exactly had a sterling start to his F1 career (causing 2 red flags during testing), but perhaps it’s best to hold off on judgments first and just…let him be.

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Have you picked your bets yet? Choose wisely and buckle up, this season is going to be a cracker.

The Encore: Formula One The Musical.

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Every great musical performance deserves an encore–and since the off-season is stretching out for what seems like an eternity, here is the much-awaited part 2 of the pinnacle of world’s motorsport as a musical:

THE SOLOS:

Ron Dennis, on his unsurpassed devotion to protege Lewis Hamilton, to the tune of Paparazzi by Lady Gaga:

RD Pap

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Jaime Alguersuari, on his post-2010 Belgian GP penalty that robbed him of a precious point, to the tune of Rock DJ by Robbie Williams:

JA RD

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Nick Heidfeld, on his quest for that ever-elusive first race win in F1, to the tune of Someday My Prince Will Come by Disney’s Snow White:

NH SD

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Felipe Massa, on expressing his desire to be a Champion to Ferrari Team Principal Stefano Domenicali, to the tune of Mercy by Duffy:

FM Mercy

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Rubens Barrichello, on his own plight of being the current oldest driver in the grid without winning a WDC, to the tune of Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton:

RB ML

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Heikki Kovalainen, on his brief turn as a firefighter/track marshall during the 2010 Singaporean GP, to the tune of Fire Burning by Sean Kingston:

HK FB

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Nico Hulkenberg, on losing his Williams drive for 2011, to the tune of Bye Bye Love by The Everly Brothers:

NH BBL

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Takuma Sato, on his extraordinary skills that made him a cult hero for F1 fans, to the tune of Club Can’t Handle Me by FloRida:

TS CCHM

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Martin Whitmarsh, on his attempt to woo Kimi Raikkonen back to McLaren during the 2009-2010 Silly Season, to the tune of Back for Good by Take That:

MWKR BFG

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THE DUETS/ GROUP PERFORMANCES:

Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton, on their heated battle for the 2008 WDC, to the tune of Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna:

FMLH ShutUp

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Mark Webber and Christian Horner, on career aims and the right way to make the Red Bull Racing Team support a driver’s WDC bid, to the tune of Wannabe by Spice Girls:

MWCH Wannabe

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The German drivers, disputing the Finnish drivers’ claim of being the best and insisting they’re the most dominant force in Formula One, to the tune I Should Be So Lucky by Kylie Minogue

GermanDrivers ISBSL

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Michael Schumacher and Ross Brawn, on their reunion for Mercedes GP, to the tune of Especially For You by Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan:

MSRB EFY

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The Virgin F1 Drivers, on their point-less first season in F1, to the tune of Like A Virgin by Madonna:

TGLD LAV

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Fortunately, there’s no fat lady to sing us out for this one.

Introducing the Class of 2010 F1 Drivers…The Stig-style!

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The Class of 2010: Could Any one of them be…The Stig?

Some say they are weird men-robots hybrid, while others say their farts are the reason carbon dioxide levels are rising on earth. Their houses are wallpapered with money and they take champagne showers to keep their skin glowing. All we know is, they’re called…

FORMULA ONE DRIVERS.

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sv

Some say he was cloned using a hair from Schumi’s razor, and that he got a sense of humour after he fell on his head as a baby. His music of choice during racedays is Lou Bega’s Mambo no. 5 and Mark Webber keeps a voodoo doll of him hidden in his trouser pocket. All we know is, he’s called…

SEBASTIAN VETTEL.


fa

Some say he came out of his mother’s womb dancing the Macarena, and that he’s so quick he went from being a newborn to a full-grown man in exactly 7-tenths of a second. His eyebrows require their own personal assistants and he’s known to like riding chickens…er, chicanes. All we know is, he’s called…

FERNANDO ALONSO.

mw

Some say his jaw can cut through diamond and carbon-fiber, while others say he races kangaroos and dingos before his breakfast of shrimp in the barbie. He makes his fellow drivers look like Lilliputians and his motor mouth is far more powerful than his car’s V8 engine. All we know is, he’s called…

MARK WEBBER.

lh

Some say he’s the Second Coming of Sliced Bread, while others say he sleeps hugging his  Superlicence. His gap-toothed smile is his secret weapon, he trims his sideburns to the shape of Spa-Francorchamps, and is known to randomly sing “Don’t cha wish your driver was cool like me,  Don’t cha wish your driver was fun like me, don’t cha?” when Ferrari bigshots walk past him. All we know is, he’s called…

LEWIS HAMILTON.

jb

Some say he’s as cute as his namesake, while others say pundits fall asleep on cue at the sight of him. Vibrations are his number one enemy, Contracts wilt as he drives past and rumour has it that the flavor Vanilla and Toast bread got insulted when they heard they were being compared to his personality. All we know is, he’s called…

JENSON BUTTON.

fm

Some say his first words out of his mother’s womb were “For sure!” and he learned to samba way before he can walk. His skull is now certified Barrichello car-proof and only his nanny Rob Smedley can stop him from crying and throwing his toys out of the pram in moments of distress. All we know is, he’s called…

FELIPE MASSA.


nr

Some say he’s probably the best female driver in the history of Formula One, while others say fields of daisies start blooming and fluffy white bunnies hop in glee as he drives past. His hair is the color of glistening sunshine and smells like strawberries and champagne. All we know is, he’s called…

NICO ROSBERG.

ms

Some say the Holy Grail resides inside his chin, while others say he’s so good in driving in the wet because he started learning to drive while he’s still inside his mother’s womb fighting the placenta. He keeps a mini-trampoline in his back pocket so he can practice his victory jumps anywhere and he can make Lady Gaga weep with his fashion sense. All we know is, he’s called…

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER.

rk

Some say he has the most aerodynamic nose in Formula One, and we don’t mean the one in his car. He’s the only driver who can rival Kimi Raikkonen in a “Best Poker Face” Competition and when he turns sideways, he gets mistaken for a cardboard cut-out of himself. All we know is, he’s called…

ROBERT KUBICA.

vp

Some say he grew up with a pet Sabertooth, while others say he puts vodka in everything, including his car’s fuel tank. He’s the only driver that has his country’s Prime Minister on his mobile phone’s speed dial, and no, he doesn’t give a damn who Fernando Alonso is. All we know is, he’s called…

VITALY PETROV.

nh

Some say he’s Kimi Raikkonen’s brother from a German mother, and that he started celebrating Oktoberfest as soon as he came out of the womb. He doesn’t turn green when he’s angry but water particles dissolve as he drives past on a fully-dry setup. There are rumours that his real product name is Kimbot v2.0, but the lab still refuses to confirm or deny it. All we know is, he’s called…

NICO HULKENBERG.

rb

Some say he has developed a phobia of the number 2, while others say that’s easily cured by getting him drunk and handing him a karaoke microphone. His forehead is sloped like Eau Rouge and the newest clause in his contract states that he cannot ever be teammates with drivers named Michael or Jenson anymore. All we know is, he’s called…

RUBENS BARRICHELLO.

ja

Some say he keeps a mini turntable inside his car and when summoned by the FIA post-Belgian GP, he gave them all a mix CD of Penalisation Rocks in Belgium. He’s the King of Random and Puzzling Thoughts and when asked in the latest GPDA meeting on how to improve the F1 cars, he reportedly answered, “Put wi-fi enabled laptops inside so we can tweet while we race!” All we know is, he’s called…

JAIME ALGUERSUARI.

sb

Some say he’s the poor man’s Vettel, while others say he’s the rich man’s Bourdais. Overtaking him is illegal in 12 countries and he can drive through sand dunes and snow faster than you can say “abracadabra!” All we know is, he’s called…

SEBASTIEN BUEMI.


jt

Some say he was a locomotive driver in his past life and his favourite childhood book is The Little Engine That Could. When he enters a room, Adrian Sutil covers his ears and Karun Chandhok covers his head. All we know is, he’s called…

JARNO TRULLI.

hk

Some say he came from the same factory as Kimi Raikkonen, except he was shipped off to the Surplus Outlet for having processor defects, while others say he’s the personification of Star Wars’ C3PO. He’s so cool he can put off an engine fire by simply staring at it, and no, he won’t look at you if you call him “Hokey-Kokey”. All we know is, he’s called…

HEIKKI KOVALAINEN.

AS

Some say he’s the Elton John of Formula One, that’s because he plays the piano. Why, what were you thinking? He gets teary-eyed when he sees Kimi Raikkonen and his catty claws come out when he sees Jarno Trulli. And just to be clear, his run isn’t girlish, it’s…refined. All we know is, he’s called…

ADRIAN SUTIL.

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Some say his hairline recedes with every early race retirement, while others say his forehead makes him more streamlined and aerodynamic. He mixes track dust with his coffee for breakfast
and Michael Schumacher frantically wears his helmet when he enters a room. All we know is, he’s called…

VITANTONIO LIUZZI.

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Some say he beat Vettel by a nose in the “Most Smiley German Competition” in the paddock, while others say he still has nightmares of being randomly attacked by overzealous Brazilians. Lewis Hamilton gave him the biggest Christmas card back in 2008 and there’s more to him than puns about his name and clocks. All we know is, he’s called…

TIMO GLOCK.

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Some say he’s the odd Brazilian out, while others say he once beat Bruno Senna AND Felipe Massa…in thumb wrestling. Crossing the Finish Line is no challenge for him, and he keeps proposing a Reversed Starting Grid anonymously. All we know is, he’s called…

LUCAS DI GRASSI.

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Some say he’s the last heir of the Samurai, while others say pure Sake runs in his veins. He was rumoured to have  overtaken the speed of light once and Takuma Sato trembles in his very presence. All we know is, he’s called…

KAMUI KOBAYASHI.

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Some say he secretly found the fountain of youth underneath the McLaren HQ in Woking, while others say he has a long-standing bet with Bernie Ecclestone on who can stay in F1 the longest. He’s the not the best secret-keeper in the world and he’s the only Spaniard with the middle name “Official Test Driver”. All we know is, he’s called…

PEDRO DELA ROSA.

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Some say the solution to World Hunger and Poverty is hidden in the depths of his brown man-bag, while others say his racing mojo comes from his ever-present beard. Winning a race is overrated for him and he’d much rather challenge for 2nd or 3rd. He puts Justin Timberlake to shame with his dancing skills and he’s not ashamed to discuss his teams’ “wanking” to the entire world. All we know is, he’s called…

NICK HEIDFELD.

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Some say the whole of Brazil faints at the mere flutter of his eyelashes, while others say he was uttering the sound of a V8 engine before he could even say his first words. He’s not a dog’s best friend but his luscious curls are the envy of the paddock. All we know is, he’s called…

BRUNO SENNA.

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Some say he should be a stand-up comedian instead of a racing driver, while others say, why not do both? His eyebrows require their own postal code and his head has been certified Trulli Train-proof. All we know is, he’s called…

KARUN CHANDHOK.

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Some say he’s the King of Parking in Racing, too bad he does it during racedays and in the middle of the track. The Safety Car and Crane drivers are his best mates and we still don’t know what the heck he was thinking with the pink helmet he once wore. All we know is, he’s called…

SAKON YAMAMOTO.

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Some say he’s been with so many F1 teams throughout the years that he can both open his own temping agency called “Temp F1” and sell F1 merchandise on EBay. All we know is, he’s called…

CHRISTIAN KLIEN.