That Blue-Eyed F1 Boy.

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“Anything in particular you’re looking for?”
“Yes. Do you have an Alguersuari cap?”

*Insert confused looks here.*

For three years, that has been part of my unusual exchanges with shop assistants whenever I go inside the Grand Prix merchandise stores during the F1 Night Races I’ve attended. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t trolling them or anything, I’m genuinely a fan of Jaime and I really did want to own a cap of his. It just amused and bemused me how unaware the shop assistants were of him amidst all the Alonso, Vettel, Hamilton and Raikkonen merchandise. Blame it on my “hipster/I don’t go with the flow and like the usual drivers” mentality. Part of me wanted to ask people who didn’t know him, “Why don’t you know just how… talented he is?!”

Much like the “Sebastian Vettel phenomenon”, I also took an immediate liking to Alguersuari when he first came into Formula One. He looked fast. He looked spunky. He looked as if he was born ready to race. And yes, he had those hypnotizing blue eyes. He used to be the youngest driver to start in F1 at 19 years and 125 days. I remember a friend asking me back in 2010 which Spanish racer I’d like to meet and I replied with, “Jaime Alguersuari. I’d like to shake the hand of the youngest-ever F1 driver!”

I’ve seen him race several times but sadly, never got to meet him in person. Never mind, he’s still young, there’s still plenty of opportunities, I told myself. When he was pushed out of the sport in 2012, I was disappointed by his treatment, I felt he deserved better. I was excited when he returned to racing through Formula E. I wanted him to do well and to show F1 teams just what they’re missing.

But things didn’t quite work out just as I imagined.

Recently, Alguersuari announced his retirement from all forms of motorsport. At the age of 25. He said he has “fallen out of love”.

That was quite a statement. I was completely shocked and thrown sideways.

So what happens when you get over a dream? You carry on and chase another. We often praise people for doggedly going after things despite numerous setbacks, but sometimes we also have to give credit to those who are brave enough to admit that they’re giving up and moving on.

While a lot of his fans may be sad and disappointed over his decision, only Jaime knows what his heart truly wants and if it does not include motorsport anymore then we’re just going to have to accept and respect that.

Let’s just be grateful that he was once part of Formula One. He is and will always be part of F1 history anyway and nobody can ever take that away from him.

He is young, he is massively talented, and he’s got the whole world ahead of him. The only way to go is up.

He will always be a “Bouncebackable Racer” for me, maybe not on-track anymore but in life as a whole.

So don’t feel sorry for him. Jaime Alguersuari will be just fine.

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Twelve Days of Christmas: F1 Style*!

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*You are now hereby required to sing while reading this post. Don’t be a Scrooge now, I know you can do it!

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On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
A pic of comebacking Kimi!
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On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Eleven Lewis’ spinning
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Twelve Vettels a-swaggin’
Eleven Lewis’ spinning
Ten Nandos a-freaking
Nine Rosbergs preening
Eight Nicks a-running
Seven Webbers sulking
Six Schumis waving
Five Jaime winks!
Four Button Mos
Three Neweys
Two battling cars, and
A pic of comebacking Kimi!

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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P.S. Credit to f1-gifs.tumblr.com for some of the gifs used. If you made/own some of the others, please leave a message so i can credit you. Thanks!

The Bouncebackable Dictionary: ROARGASM.

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ROARGASM
-A strong emotion felt by a hardcore racing fan when he/she hears the sound of a race car/motorbike.

E.g.

Hearing the F1 drivers trying to imitate the sound of their car engines is foreplay to a roargasm.

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Return To Turn 14: The 2011 Bouncebackable F1 Singaporean GP Trip*.

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*a.k.a I Went To The Singaporean GP And All I Got Was A Chance Encounter And A Smile From A German Racer.

It took me a while to arrange my thoughts with a semblance of coherence, as it is a strange law of the universe that one cannot write effectively when they’re still intoxicated with joy. Now that the sobriety of real life is back, allow me to share my experience yet again.

For the third year running, I made the short trek to Singapore to fulfill what I now call my “Yearly Pilgrimage” in the name of Pure, Racing Madness.

This is what transpired during my trip*:

(*P.S. Brevity is clearly not my strong suit, so be prepared for a lengthy post filled with photos & videos—you have been warned!)

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Thursday: It’s hard to chill when you’re feelin’ the thrill.

I traveled to Singapore one day ahead of my usual schedule, hoping to catch more time to soak in the atmosphere, and also so I can play the “tour guide” to a couple of friends who were first-time travelers to the country.

Unfortunately, I was a day too late for the various PR events several drivers attended, but still, as I dragged my friend along to one of my favourite spots in the country, Orchard Road, the atmosphere was positively electric and it’s quite obvious that F1 Fever has hit the nation. And hard.

he McLaren simulator at the Hugo Boss-McLaren exhibit inside Ion Orchard.

More F1 simulators along Orchard Rd.

One of the Official F1 Merchandise stores along Orchard Rd. A.k.a the apple of my eye and bane of my wallet.

The Force India exhibit car.

Freak-out moment when I found out that Nico H. (a.k.a. Kimi 2.0) will be making an appearance on this store–on the day I made plans to be really far away from this area. Pfft.

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Friday, I’m In Love.

My precious 3-day Walkabout Tickets!

It seems it’s now a tradition of mine to somehow miss FP1, but for good reason. I sacrificed the first practice session this year to have dinner with one of my very best friends J, who was my F1 buddy last year, but had to pass this year because she and her gracious new-husband A is expecting a baby.

After a sumptuous dinner of modern-meets-traditional Chinese cuisine, I temporarily bid farewell to my friends to make the trek alone to the track for FP2. I’ve to admit that I was a bit distracted before, and during dinner, as the sounds of the F1 engines were truly hard to ignore as they serve as the background music to practically the whole city as we partake our nosh. Have I gotten used or immune to hearing that glorious roar yet? Of course not. For me, it’s like a secret language that welcomes me back to the place– somehow, Singapore at night is just never the same to me without my eardrums being caressed by the symphony of F1 engines.

Reporting for duty for FP2!

Jenson Button of McLaren gets stuck in the runoff area near Turn 14!

Free Practice 2 was business as usual. One massive change that I’ve noticed from last year was that Red Bull fans have increased their numbers exponentially and are now as plentiful and loud as the Ferrari and McLaren fans.

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Saturday, Crazy Saturday.

To maximize the trip, my friends and I decided to take the short trek (by short, I mean a 4-hour bus ride 1-way) to Malaysia’s capital, Kuala Lumpur, to soak in the sights, smells and sounds of Singapore’s closest neighbor.

he first sight that greeted me as I alighted the cab in KLCC.

I shall not get into the minute details anymore, let me just say that our brief stay there was nothing short of action-packed, and our misadventures were too many (some were quite embarrassing) to count. By the time we were finally on our way back to Singapore, I’d already missed FP3 and was dangerously close to not making Qualifying as well. My head was positively spinning as I stared at the numbers at the bus’ digital clock, willing time to move slowly in the hopes that I can still make the all-important Qualifying Sessions.

Suffice to say, I was beyond counting minutes by the time the bus rolled into the drop-off point, as I was counting seconds by then. We all jumped into a cab and I basically instructed the driver to drive as fast as he can so I can make it to the track in time for Qualifying. The semi-confused cab driver even attempted to give me a heart attack by saying that Quali is over, but I recovered quickly enough to rebut that it was the FP3 he must be talking about, and there’s no way in the world I could have miscalculated the time enough to miss Quali. To our collective amusement, our cab driver proceeded to regale us with his exploits of driving around Singapore in a Suzuki Swift at staggering speeds without getting caught by authorities. Of course I proceeded to stoke his ego by telling him he can still be Singapore’s first F1 driver if he wants to, and I’d completely cheer for him if he ever decides to switch/upgrade careers in the future. Anything to get me to the track on time. That seemed to work as Mr. Cabbie channeled his inner Michael Schumacher/Sebastian Vettel/Kimi Raikkonen and put the pedal to the metal. After dropping us off to the nearest area where cabs are allowed to go, I still had to channel Road Runner and activate my inner KERS as I barreled through several shopping malls before I got to the Mother Ship, a.k.a Gate 7. Was a few minutes late for Q1 but who cares, I was there amidst the excited crowd, albeit mildly traumatized, hungry, short of breath, with semi-scratched legs (I had to go through shrubbery to get closer to the barrier). Oh, the things I do for racing.

made it to the QLF Sessions just in the nick of time!

Here are a couple of clips from the madness that was Q3:

Vettel unsurprisingly got pole, the McLarens were hot on his heels, Webber completed the RBR sandwich, the 2 Ferraris and the 2 Mercedes cars lined up after them while the rest are ready to pounce on their every mistake. What will happen in the big race tomorrow? Will Seb be crowned as the youngest double-WDC in the Lion City?

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Every Sunday I Love You More And More.

THAT Chance Encounter.

Hectic was the word of the day once Sunday rolled around. We went to hear mass to give thanks for our collective safety and intact sanity, had a quick lunch and then went off to finish some last-minute shopping (hey, we’re women, don’t judge us!) before we decided that we have far too many carrier bags and we need to go back to the hotel to dump them before we can go to the track. We unanimously agreed to take a taxi instead of the usual commuter trains since we were in a hurry, so we and our shopping bags hobbled towards the taxi queue in luxurious Ion Orchard. There were a couple of people ahead of us and while my friends chatted amongst themselves, I tuned out and made mental plans on the fastest way to get to the track and where to position ourselves. Suddenly, I noticed this tall, blonde man join the queue with a couple of women. He looked very familiar but since my mind was somewhere else, I didn’t immediately realize who he was. What transpired went something like this, in a nutshell:

Me: * absently looks at the guy, trying to place where I saw him or who he looks like while making plans in my head*

Blonde Guy: *Notices me staring at him, smiles at me then looks away*

Me: *Suddenly hit by a lightning of a realization that the blonde guy is Force India Reserve Driver Nico Hulkenberg*

Nico Hulkenberg: *looks at me again, sees that my eyes are wide as flying saucers, smiles, then turns around and slowly takes a seat and hides behind the guy in front of him in the queue*

Me: *pulls 1 of my friends towards me and furiously whispers my discovery*

Taxi Queue Attendant: *shouts “Next!” and guides my friends and still a shell-shocked me inside the cab*

So there. That’s the sitcom-like, yet true story of how I almost met Nico Hulkenberg and semi-freaked him out. Just for the record, he looks similar to Kimi Raikkonen but he looks leaner and somehow “smilier” up close. Until next time, Nico. I promise to recognize you faster and not freak you out (so much).

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No Rest For The Wicked.

And so after a few minutes of ranting and raving about that encounter in the hotel, my friend N (who happens to be a Formula One first-timer! Every year I somehow manage to convert 1 friend of mine into becoming an F1 fan. Call me if you need PR help, Mr. Ecclestone!) and I hauled our butts off to the track, but not before making a quick (pit) stop to the Swissotel to claim my friend’s ticket. I gawked at a couple of FIA officials we passed by outside the hotel but decided not to disturb them anymore as they were clearly enjoying a private cigarette break before heading to the track. My drill sargent-like obsession with punctuality prevailed amidst all the detours, and we got to the track just a few minutes late of my original estimate. Much to my delight, my “beloved spot” for the past 3 years near Turn 14 was still available and we watched it like hawks as we sat down to rest our tired legs and to enjoy the tail-end of the support race Porsche Carrera Cup.

The latter parts of the support race Porsche Carrera Cup.

As half-past six drew closer, we positioned ourselves as close to the barrier as possible, to have maximum viewing capacity of the track. The much-anticipated Drivers’ Parade started shortly thereafter, and fans screamed and cheered their lungs out (especially me) as their fave drivers made their way around the track, each with their own special classic car. This is one of the reasons I love the Singaporean GP, the parade is longer and the fans can see the drivers better because they’re not just lumped in one truck!

The Safety Car signals the start of the much-awaited Driver’s Parade!

Fernando Alonso of Scuderia Ferrari. Why so glum, hombre?

A visibly more cheerful Felipe Massa of Ferrari.

Jerome D’Ambrosio of Marussia Virgin. He was looking at our side because he heard the loud cheer of the 2 Belgian guys next to my friend and I.

Heikki Kovalainen of Lotus, channeling Pinoy jeepney drivers with his white towel draped across his shoulders (Teehee).

ALL HAIL SCHUMI!! (Yes, I did yell “I love you, Schumi!!” as he passed by, just like a proper fangirl should.)

 

Nico Rosberg of Mercedes GP looks quite amused as he passed by groups of screaming girls.

Bruno Senna of Lotus Renault waves at an overexcited Brazilian fan near us.

 

Sergio Perez of Sauber chillin’ like ice cream fillin’.

Red Bull’s no.2…er…Mark Webber.

THE Man of the Year and the driver that got the loudest cheers: Sebastian Vettel (and his famous plaid shorts) of Red Bull!

The view from our left side as the sun sets and the floodlights are lit!

Before we can fully recover from seeing our fave drivers up close, the warm-up lap started, and as the cars lined up in the starting straight, I can feel the thickness of the tension and anticipation in our area, as we all seemingly held our breaths, along with our respective photographic equipment, to await the illumination of the 5 red lights to signal the start of the 4th F1 Singaporean GP!

Pole-sitter Vettel immediately stamped his authority by taking an early lead, leaving the McLarens, Ferraris and Mercedes’ to play catch-up. The German’s Red Bull was hardly disturbed even as the cars behind him seemingly played a mash-up of musical chairs/chess and got locked in a battle of wits and tactics for positions.

The real shocker of the night was Michael Schumacher’s retirement, which was the result of an incident with Sauber’s Sergio Perez. It took a couple of minutes before I confirmed this and although I was obviously dismayed, I had to brush it off and just focus on enjoying the remaining laps. After all, we’re talking about Schumi here, if he’s gonna go down, he’s gonna go down fighting—and that’s exactly what he did.

The race was not short of nail-biting incidents—Timo Glock spun and hit the barriers, Massa and Hamilton’s constant on-track duels, Alonso and Webber’s cat-and-mouse routines, and even Vettel nearly getting clipped by Kovalainen in the pit lane. Unfortunately, my “jinxing powers” did not work this year as Turn 14 was undisturbed by any major racing incidents.

Things really started to heat up once the Safety Car Period began and teams regrouped and revised their respective tactics:

An HRT clipping the barriers:

Here’s a clip of Jarno Trulli getting a ride back to the pits after his retirement:

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Surprisingly, former Singaporean GP race winners Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso, who both started the race strongly, became hugely inconspicuous as the race wore on. And by inconspicuous, I mean ultimately coming up short in challenging for a win.

Golden boy Vettel romped his way to the Chequered Flag, with McLaren’s Jenson Button and teammate Mark Webber behind him. 17 more cars survived the challenge and crossed the finish line. Button’s 2nd place finish meant that Vettel still needed 1 measly point in the next round to confirm his 2011 WDC title, but that technicality hardly mattered as Red Bull and even rival fans applauded the German heartily as he did his Salute Lap to the crowd.

As the dust settled and the marshalls opened the track for the crowd, there’s really only one thing left to do: PARTY!

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Remnants I nicked from a barrier that got clipped.

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So there you go, eight months of planning, anticipation and excitement, all compressed into four absolutely grandtastic action-packed days.

There’s no tidy ultimate conclusion for all this–In racing, you take both the good and the bad. You don’t dwell on the negatives nor over-exalt the positives, what matters most is the experience as a whole. This is why I find it so difficult to turn down the chance to watch the race in person–it reminds me to fully appreciate and soak in those fleeting episodes in life when you are simply in the moment.

May you too, give in to the wonderful temptation. It’s well worth it, believe me.

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Here are my Customary “Helpful Hints” for a more enjoyable Singaporean GP Experience:

  • If you can afford to, travel to Singapore ahead and arrive on the Tuesday or Wednesday of the race weekend. The F1 circus usually arrives on a Tuesday, so you might just bump into some of them on the airport. The meet-and-greets and sponsor events are usually held on Wednesday, just around various points at Orchard Road, so there’s a good chance you can get up-close to your fave driver! (I will certainly heed this advice and arrive on a Wednesday next year!)
  • If you want to do your very own “track walk”, the track is open to the public until the Wednesday of the race weekend (Again, a chance to bump into F1 personalities!).
  • Upon getting to Singapore, you might want to purchase the Singapore Tourist Pass (www.singaporetouristpass.com for more info), a card that works for all train and almost all bus lines in the country. You can get a 1-, 2- or 3-day pass which will give you unlimited access to public transportation around the city. Screw taking expensive cab rides, in Singapore, taking public transportation is where it’s at!
  • If you want to know which other important spots to visit in between F1 schedules, head on over to the Singapore Visitors Centre and consult their ever-friendly staff. (Bonus: You can also get free leg and foot massages there after shopping at Orchard Road!)
  • For smartphone users, you might want to download the Singapore Street Directory App. It has a cool feature that not only gives you directions but also gives you extremely detailed transportation options, down to the exact fare prices! (Check out http://www.streetdirectory.com to try it out.)
  • Every year, various weather forecasts predict some rain during the race weekend, and yet every year, my ardent prayers have somehow fended them off (or at least, that’s what I choose to believe). Even so, bring a disposable poncho or your own raincoat/mac when you go the track, as well as your own set of earplugs as well. If you’re too lazy to bring some, you can always buy the “Survival Kit” on-site for the price of 2.00 Sgd. I’m a cheapo though, so I always bring my own.
  • Wear comfortable clothing and footwear! I cannot stress this enough, as you will be walking a LOT amidst heat and humidity, and this is not the time to channel your inner supermodel or fashionista. If, like me, you have a preference for getting the Walkabout Zone tickets, then expect to stand for a couple of hours, at the least, so you better damn make sure that your feet are in comfortable gear to support you.
  • Speaking of heat and humidity, each spectator is allowed to bring in 500ml of bottled water inside the track, so if you want to save some dollars it’s better to buy from the various convenience stores outside the track as the beverage prices inside the track are a bit more expensive.
  • Always have your ticket/s with you, as loads of stores around Singapore offer discounts and freebies if you are part of the F1 crowd.
  • Pack light. I don’t always heed this advice because I almost always shop before heading to the track, but if you don’t want the hassle of having several bags inspected at the entrance, just bring the absolute essentials. Also, read the tiny brochure that comes with your ticket/s and review the list of what you can and cannot bring inside the track.
  • Unfortunately, there’s no free Wi-Fi zone inside the track (at least where Zone 4 is), so if you want to be able to update your status on various social networking sites, make sure that your mobile phone/tablet is able to connect to the web through your local service provider. You can also buy prepaid Singaporean SIM cards in convenience stores and shops and just register for their data service promotions while you’re there.
  • Speaking of gadgets, make sure to fully recharge your mobile phones and digital cameras, or better yet, bring extra batteries, just in case! It’s also good to bring extra memory cards as well so you won’t have to worry about running out of disk space for your precious racing photos and videos.
  • Explore the whole track if you can! This year, there was a complimentary tattoo booth, the usual classic car exhibit, race simulator challenge booth, and various photo stations where you can channel your inner F1 driver.
  • After the race on Sunday, the track is opened for the whole audience to enjoy. Go ahead and kiss the ground where your fave driver raced on! (If that’s your thing, that is.)
  • Make some noise! You’re not in a library, so don’t be afraid to cheer, whoop and scream for your favorite drivers and teams!
  • Above all, let loose and have fun!

Presenting The Class of 2011: F1 Drivers and Their Theme Songs.

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Spare a thought for us, ardent racing fans. We’ve all endured months of motorsport drought, at times desperately pressing Refresh on our web browsers to check on the latest news, gossip and developments from our favourite websites and scouring numerous forums for video clips of the past seasons to analyze and tide us over until March rolls along. Now, the wait is almost over–but before we can formally welcome the new season, we must meet the main characters of this year’s sitcom/soap opera/circus. Who will be the heroes and who will be the villains? We all have to stay tuned to find out.

Meanwhile, if F1 drivers should have their own theme songs, what will they be?

"The winner takes it all...The The loser has to faallll...It’s simple and it’s plain Why should I complain...?"

Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)- The Winner Takes It All by Abba

While his infamous sense of humor makes him the perfect candidate to spontaneously bust out Abba songs during videoke nights, this gangly German is all business when it comes to racing. Going all out on a crucial race even if it means banging into his teammate and being unapologetic for his status as the team’s “favoured driver”, he ain’t called “Baby Schumi” for nothing. Expect the youngest WDC to use all his grit in the fight to keep his title. And then, maybe, he’ll treat us to a rendition of an Abba song afterward for our entertainment.

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"My stupid mouth, has got me in trouble. I said too much again..."

Mark Webber (Red Bull)- My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer

F1’s very own motor-mouth has gained equal parts supporters and critics with his unusual way of publicly voicing out his uncensored opinion before settling disputes and misunderstandings with his teammate, bosses and rival drivers. But let’s face it, F1 will definitely be less interesting without his unique brand of candor and perspective, so let’s hope this Aussie continues to rev up his 2nd engine, as he attempts to prove he’s nobody’s lapdog this season. Get your earplugs ready, people!

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"Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me, why can't they just let me live? I don't need permission, make my own decisions, that's my prerogative..."

Fernando Alonso (Ferrari)-My Prerogative by Bobby Brown

If winning a WDC gives a driver added moxie, then it’s small wonder that Nando has double the amount of what’s legal in terms of confidence (some will say arrogance). He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not averse to going to the extremes to get what he wants (just ask Lewis Hamilton, Felipe Massa, Vitaly Petrov. etc. etc.), when he wants it. He’s certainly not everyone’s cup of tea (or should that be sangria?), but as long as his hands are firmly grasping a winner’s trophy, this bushy-eyebrowed Spaniard is muy happy.

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"Aint about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other siiide...It's the cliiimmmbbb..."

Felipe Massa (Ferrari)- The Climb by Miley Cyrus

He was the driver the Scuderia retained over the likes of Michael Schumacher and Kimi Raikkonen (insert collective gasp here), so shouldn’t he have won at least 1 WDC by now? Whether it’s by unfortunate circumstances (note his horrific accident in the 2009 Hungarian GP weekend) or by some unexplained forces, this Brazilian’s quest for his first Championship is proving to be quite a Climb, indeed. Take heed from Ms. Cyrus’ “wise words”, Felipe: Ain’t about how fast you get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the Cliiimbbb…

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"Push it, make the beats go harder...Pu-pu-push it!"

Lewis Hamilton (McLaren)- Push It by Garbage

He was groomed to be the boy-next-door, mothers-grandmas-and-fluffy-puppies-love-him F1 ambassador since Day 1 of his career, but his boyish looks belie the hard-as-nails driver persona which surfaces every time he dons his yellow helmet. Fellow drivers must not be fooled by his innocent gap-toothed smile, when he’s in his silver McLaren car, he is unafraid to push the limits, so much so that even Canadian beavers scamper away when they see and hear him approaching.

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"You can't always get what you want...But if you try sometimes you might find...You get what you need..."

Jenson Button (McLaren)- You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones

It seems never a race passes by without this Englishman being caught on team radio complaining about something in his car: Whether it be vibrations, tyre choice, car balance, or his cup of tea not being hot enough or having enough sugars (okay, I added that last bit), it’s truly an event when he comes out of the car and says he’s “happy” with it. It is hoped that this season, Mr. Button will do more racing and less whinging. Put that 2009 WDC racing skills to good use, will you?

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"And more, much more than this...I did it Myyyyy Wayyyyyy..."

Michael Schumacher (Mercedes GP)- My Way by Frank Sinatra

Say it with me: He’s won it 7 Times. Making an F1 comeback in an age considered ancient by critics is something weak-hearted drivers will not even attempt to do. He does things his own way, never mind what the other drivers and the critics will say. Then again, he is THE Michael Schumacher, the driver that represented a whole era of the sport, and if 7 titles do not give him some sort of entitlement to have some swagger around the paddock, then I don’t know what will. Oh, and he’s probably the only driver in the group (except maybe Rubens) who knows the lyrics to this song.

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"You're so vain...I bet you think this song is about you, you're soooo vain..."

Nico Rosberg (Mercedes GP)-You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

Sometimes, you have to feel for poor Nico Rosberg: He’s a more-than-decent racer, he seems like a nice guy, and it’s quite difficult to dislike him, but why in heavens’ sake is he more known for having the monicker “Britney” inside and outside the paddock? Perhaps it’s high time for him to stop worrying about the state of his golden locks (although I have to admit they are magnificent) and focus more on what his job description primarily entails: winning and collecting points. And fulfilling his potential as The Next Big Thing. P.S. Can you imagine the reaction in the paddock if he ever decides to shave all of his hair off? Just a thought.

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"Baby you're a Fiiireeework... Come on show them what you're worth! Make them go Ohh Ohh Ohhh...As you shoot across the skyyy..."

Nick Heidfeld (Lotus Renault)- Firework by Katy Perry

While it is rather unfortunate that this hardworking German has always been eclipsed by his teammates, his loyal followers will always believe that he is bound to snatch that elusive first race win soon enough. He may not have the flamboyance nor the showmanship of his fellow drivers, but he wasn’t nicknamed ‘Quick Nick’ for nothing. So go grab that brown manbag of yours and show them what you’re worth this season, Nick! P.S. Hopefully, he decides to repeat his infamous dance moves and do them in the podium when (not if) he gets his race win. That would be Epic.

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"So, you're a rocket scientist...That don't impress me much."

Vitaly Petrov (Lotus Renault)- That Don’t Impress Me Much by Shania Twain

The man who marches to the beat of his own drums, the driver who is not fazed by rumours of being replaced by Kimi Raikkonen and refused to kowtow to a double-WDC winner when a Championship is on the line. At times he is completely anonymous, but when he makes his presence felt, he makes sure it’s headline-worthy. So unless you can offer something so extraordinarily out-of-this-world, I’m sorry, but this Russian is just simply too hard to impress.

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"This is my quest, to follow that star...No matter how hopeless, no matter how faaar..."

Rubens Barrichello (Williams)- The Impossible Dream by Jack Jones

We have to give credit when credit is due–Rubens is now an institution to F1, considering that he’s still out there and banging wheels with other drivers who still wore nappies when he was already rubbing elbows with the now-legendary drivers. However, much like Felipe Massa, his continuous attempt to win a WDC may just become a mere pipe dream. No harm in trying, though. So carry on, Rubens, if for anything, at least Schumi still has a batchmate to reminisce those ‘good ‘ol times’ with.

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"Your technique it leaves me weak...My heart knows it's the beat I seek...(And I found it)...Just got lucky...Just got lucky..."

Pastor Maldonado (Williams)- Just Got Lucky by Jo Boxers

Wrangling a racing seat away from the 2010 Brazilian GP pole-sitter and ex-GP2 champ Nico Hulkenberg is no easy feat, and although the cynics say his hiring was more brought about by cold business and the element of luck, this GP2 Champ will be determined to prove his worth and make Williams fans forget about the Golden Boy he supposedly dethroned.

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"Now I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) And its startin' to feel good..."

Heikki Kovalainen (Lotus)- Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves

Heikki seemed to have missed the “Poker Face” memo circulated among Finnish racing drivers, but that amazingly worked to his advantage. In a racing series that was dominated by the icy-coolness of Raikkonen and Hakkinen, his eternal optimism and ready cheery smile is a breath of fresh air for some fans. Plus, his hardwork, quick-thinking (remember his stint as a firefighter in the 2010 Singapore GP?) and go-go-go attitude makes him a perfect team player, indeed.

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"Do it nice and easy now don't lose control...A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul...So come on, come on,Do the loco-motion with meeee..."

Jarno Trulli (Lotus)- Locomotion by Kylie Minogue

Seriously, you have not been an F1 fan long enough if you don’t immediately deduce the connection between Jarno and this song. Although he has not driven absolute duds during his career, fellow drivers have always dreaded the thought of being stuck behind “The Trulli Train” at any point in a race. Besides, I bet Jarno must have busted some swell moves to this tune at least once during his younger days.

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"I don't wanna rock, dj...But you're making me feel so nice. When's this gonna stop, dj? You'll be keeping me up all night..."

Jaime Alguersuari (Toro Rosso)- Rock DJ by Robbie Williams

This youngest-ever F1 driver makes incurring penalties from Race Control positively cool. And then goes on to produce sick beats in honor of them. Youth is certainly not wasted on this lad. Future Champ/Icon in the making? Perhaps. I bet he surreptitiously unplugs his earphones from the car radio during races and connects them to his iPod instead. Rock on, Mr. Racer by Day, DJ by night.

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"Woohoo! When I feel heavy metal...Woohoo! And I'm pins and I'm needles! Woohoo! Well I lie and I'm easy...All of the time I am never sure why I need you..."

Sebastian Buemi (Toro Rosso)- Song 2 by Blur

He’s not as outspoken nor as headline-worthy as his teammate, but there’s something about Buemi that’s just intriguing. Is it his mysterious aura? Or is it just because you can’t help but cheer him on when he brashly takes on the more experienced drivers on track? Whatever it is, this song is much like Buemi, it doesn’t always make sense, but somehow, it works.

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"Take on me...Take me on...I'll be gone In a day or two..."

Kamui Kobayashi (Sauber)- Take On Me by A-ha

Hailed by some fans as The Second Coming of Takuma Sato, this fearless Japanese driver has accumulated a cult following because of his impressive defensive driving skills on racedays. He doesn’t care which team you’re from or what credentials you have, if you want to pass him, you have to take him on with all driving skills you have. Good luck with that!

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"Waiting for tonight, whoaaa...when you will be here in my arms...Waiting for tonight...whoaaa..."

Sergio Perez (Sauber)- Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez

So Alguersuari finally gets a playmate who’s born within the same decade as he was. Sergio may be a new kid on the F1 block, but his racing CV is already as long as a pitlane (okay, I jest). He’s been waiting for this chance all his life and now is the time to dig deep and give it all he has. Besides, he’s probably the only one who can do justice to this song’s Latin beats. Ole!

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"N-n-now that that don't kill me...Can only make me stronger...I need you to hurry up now...'Cause I can't wait much longer..."

Adrian Sutil (Force India)- Stronger by Kanye West

Unflappable. No amount of shunts, crashes nor catfights will dampen the spirit of this…gentle driver, and with every year that he stays in F1, he is getting closer and closer to a podium finish. Can we expect a more ‘gangsta’ Sutil to come out this season? Hopefully.

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"Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it..."

Paul diResta (Force India)- Finally by CeCe Peniston

At long last, the boy has made it into F1! Is he worth the wait, and can he justify the team’s decision to pick him over the more experienced Hulkenberg? For now, all he has to do is to sit back and enjoy his ride, for no one can predict if he can hold on to it for the whole season.

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"So many tears I've cried...So much pain inside...But baby it ain't over 'til it's over..."

Narain Kathikeyan (HRT)- It Ain\’t Over \’Til It\’s Over by Lenny Kravitz

It’s probably safe to bet that this driver’s favourite saying is “Try and try until you succeed”, judging by his colourful and ‘interesting’ journey in F1. Will his accumulated driving experience in other series help him revive his F1 career? well, it ain’t over ’til it’s over.

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"When the road gets dark...And you can no longer see...Just let my love throw a spark... And have a little faith in me..."

Vitantonio Liuzzi (HRT)- Have A Little Faith In Me by John Hiatt

He may not stay long enough in teams to become eligible for the Employee of the Year Award, but you have to give props to Tonio’s ability in besting younger drivers and snagging racing seats when it matters. Proof that sometimes, experience is preferred over youth and hype, if he can keep the car firmly on the track in as many races as possible, then his work is half done.

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"Hello silence, my old friend...I've come to talk with you again..."

Timo Glock (Virgin)- The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

Barring his involvement in the 2008 Brazilian GP WDC-gate, this quiet German has remained largely inconspicuous, although he does manage to pull out moments of brilliance when needed (note his 2009 Malaysian GP podium finish). He may have to endure wisecracks on his recent appendectomy going into the season-opener, but he’s still Virgin’s best hope in popping their point-less cherry (Yeah, I just had to use that pun. Deal with it).

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"Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Speaking words of wisdom, let it beee..."

Jerome D’Ambrosio (Virgin)- Let It Be by The Beatles

So he’s the first Belgian racer F1 will have in several years. The question is, will he become a dominant force (especially in Spa-Francorchamps) or a disappointing dud? He hasn’t exactly had a sterling start to his F1 career (causing 2 red flags during testing), but perhaps it’s best to hold off on judgments first and just…let him be.

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Have you picked your bets yet? Choose wisely and buckle up, this season is going to be a cracker.

The Encore: Formula One The Musical.

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Every great musical performance deserves an encore–and since the off-season is stretching out for what seems like an eternity, here is the much-awaited part 2 of the pinnacle of world’s motorsport as a musical:

THE SOLOS:

Ron Dennis, on his unsurpassed devotion to protege Lewis Hamilton, to the tune of Paparazzi by Lady Gaga:

RD Pap

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Jaime Alguersuari, on his post-2010 Belgian GP penalty that robbed him of a precious point, to the tune of Rock DJ by Robbie Williams:

JA RD

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Nick Heidfeld, on his quest for that ever-elusive first race win in F1, to the tune of Someday My Prince Will Come by Disney’s Snow White:

NH SD

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Felipe Massa, on expressing his desire to be a Champion to Ferrari Team Principal Stefano Domenicali, to the tune of Mercy by Duffy:

FM Mercy

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Rubens Barrichello, on his own plight of being the current oldest driver in the grid without winning a WDC, to the tune of Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton:

RB ML

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Heikki Kovalainen, on his brief turn as a firefighter/track marshall during the 2010 Singaporean GP, to the tune of Fire Burning by Sean Kingston:

HK FB

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Nico Hulkenberg, on losing his Williams drive for 2011, to the tune of Bye Bye Love by The Everly Brothers:

NH BBL

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Takuma Sato, on his extraordinary skills that made him a cult hero for F1 fans, to the tune of Club Can’t Handle Me by FloRida:

TS CCHM

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Martin Whitmarsh, on his attempt to woo Kimi Raikkonen back to McLaren during the 2009-2010 Silly Season, to the tune of Back for Good by Take That:

MWKR BFG

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THE DUETS/ GROUP PERFORMANCES:

Felipe Massa and Lewis Hamilton, on their heated battle for the 2008 WDC, to the tune of Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna:

FMLH ShutUp

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Mark Webber and Christian Horner, on career aims and the right way to make the Red Bull Racing Team support a driver’s WDC bid, to the tune of Wannabe by Spice Girls:

MWCH Wannabe

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The German drivers, disputing the Finnish drivers’ claim of being the best and insisting they’re the most dominant force in Formula One, to the tune I Should Be So Lucky by Kylie Minogue

GermanDrivers ISBSL

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Michael Schumacher and Ross Brawn, on their reunion for Mercedes GP, to the tune of Especially For You by Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan:

MSRB EFY

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The Virgin F1 Drivers, on their point-less first season in F1, to the tune of Like A Virgin by Madonna:

TGLD LAV

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Fortunately, there’s no fat lady to sing us out for this one.

Introducing the Class of 2010 F1 Drivers…The Stig-style!

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The Class of 2010: Could Any one of them be…The Stig?

Some say they are weird men-robots hybrid, while others say their farts are the reason carbon dioxide levels are rising on earth. Their houses are wallpapered with money and they take champagne showers to keep their skin glowing. All we know is, they’re called…

FORMULA ONE DRIVERS.

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sv

Some say he was cloned using a hair from Schumi’s razor, and that he got a sense of humour after he fell on his head as a baby. His music of choice during racedays is Lou Bega’s Mambo no. 5 and Mark Webber keeps a voodoo doll of him hidden in his trouser pocket. All we know is, he’s called…

SEBASTIAN VETTEL.


fa

Some say he came out of his mother’s womb dancing the Macarena, and that he’s so quick he went from being a newborn to a full-grown man in exactly 7-tenths of a second. His eyebrows require their own personal assistants and he’s known to like riding chickens…er, chicanes. All we know is, he’s called…

FERNANDO ALONSO.

mw

Some say his jaw can cut through diamond and carbon-fiber, while others say he races kangaroos and dingos before his breakfast of shrimp in the barbie. He makes his fellow drivers look like Lilliputians and his motor mouth is far more powerful than his car’s V8 engine. All we know is, he’s called…

MARK WEBBER.

lh

Some say he’s the Second Coming of Sliced Bread, while others say he sleeps hugging his  Superlicence. His gap-toothed smile is his secret weapon, he trims his sideburns to the shape of Spa-Francorchamps, and is known to randomly sing “Don’t cha wish your driver was cool like me,  Don’t cha wish your driver was fun like me, don’t cha?” when Ferrari bigshots walk past him. All we know is, he’s called…

LEWIS HAMILTON.

jb

Some say he’s as cute as his namesake, while others say pundits fall asleep on cue at the sight of him. Vibrations are his number one enemy, Contracts wilt as he drives past and rumour has it that the flavor Vanilla and Toast bread got insulted when they heard they were being compared to his personality. All we know is, he’s called…

JENSON BUTTON.

fm

Some say his first words out of his mother’s womb were “For sure!” and he learned to samba way before he can walk. His skull is now certified Barrichello car-proof and only his nanny Rob Smedley can stop him from crying and throwing his toys out of the pram in moments of distress. All we know is, he’s called…

FELIPE MASSA.


nr

Some say he’s probably the best female driver in the history of Formula One, while others say fields of daisies start blooming and fluffy white bunnies hop in glee as he drives past. His hair is the color of glistening sunshine and smells like strawberries and champagne. All we know is, he’s called…

NICO ROSBERG.

ms

Some say the Holy Grail resides inside his chin, while others say he’s so good in driving in the wet because he started learning to drive while he’s still inside his mother’s womb fighting the placenta. He keeps a mini-trampoline in his back pocket so he can practice his victory jumps anywhere and he can make Lady Gaga weep with his fashion sense. All we know is, he’s called…

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER.

rk

Some say he has the most aerodynamic nose in Formula One, and we don’t mean the one in his car. He’s the only driver who can rival Kimi Raikkonen in a “Best Poker Face” Competition and when he turns sideways, he gets mistaken for a cardboard cut-out of himself. All we know is, he’s called…

ROBERT KUBICA.

vp

Some say he grew up with a pet Sabertooth, while others say he puts vodka in everything, including his car’s fuel tank. He’s the only driver that has his country’s Prime Minister on his mobile phone’s speed dial, and no, he doesn’t give a damn who Fernando Alonso is. All we know is, he’s called…

VITALY PETROV.

nh

Some say he’s Kimi Raikkonen’s brother from a German mother, and that he started celebrating Oktoberfest as soon as he came out of the womb. He doesn’t turn green when he’s angry but water particles dissolve as he drives past on a fully-dry setup. There are rumours that his real product name is Kimbot v2.0, but the lab still refuses to confirm or deny it. All we know is, he’s called…

NICO HULKENBERG.

rb

Some say he has developed a phobia of the number 2, while others say that’s easily cured by getting him drunk and handing him a karaoke microphone. His forehead is sloped like Eau Rouge and the newest clause in his contract states that he cannot ever be teammates with drivers named Michael or Jenson anymore. All we know is, he’s called…

RUBENS BARRICHELLO.

ja

Some say he keeps a mini turntable inside his car and when summoned by the FIA post-Belgian GP, he gave them all a mix CD of Penalisation Rocks in Belgium. He’s the King of Random and Puzzling Thoughts and when asked in the latest GPDA meeting on how to improve the F1 cars, he reportedly answered, “Put wi-fi enabled laptops inside so we can tweet while we race!” All we know is, he’s called…

JAIME ALGUERSUARI.

sb

Some say he’s the poor man’s Vettel, while others say he’s the rich man’s Bourdais. Overtaking him is illegal in 12 countries and he can drive through sand dunes and snow faster than you can say “abracadabra!” All we know is, he’s called…

SEBASTIEN BUEMI.


jt

Some say he was a locomotive driver in his past life and his favourite childhood book is The Little Engine That Could. When he enters a room, Adrian Sutil covers his ears and Karun Chandhok covers his head. All we know is, he’s called…

JARNO TRULLI.

hk

Some say he came from the same factory as Kimi Raikkonen, except he was shipped off to the Surplus Outlet for having processor defects, while others say he’s the personification of Star Wars’ C3PO. He’s so cool he can put off an engine fire by simply staring at it, and no, he won’t look at you if you call him “Hokey-Kokey”. All we know is, he’s called…

HEIKKI KOVALAINEN.

AS

Some say he’s the Elton John of Formula One, that’s because he plays the piano. Why, what were you thinking? He gets teary-eyed when he sees Kimi Raikkonen and his catty claws come out when he sees Jarno Trulli. And just to be clear, his run isn’t girlish, it’s…refined. All we know is, he’s called…

ADRIAN SUTIL.

vl

Some say his hairline recedes with every early race retirement, while others say his forehead makes him more streamlined and aerodynamic. He mixes track dust with his coffee for breakfast
and Michael Schumacher frantically wears his helmet when he enters a room. All we know is, he’s called…

VITANTONIO LIUZZI.

tg

Some say he beat Vettel by a nose in the “Most Smiley German Competition” in the paddock, while others say he still has nightmares of being randomly attacked by overzealous Brazilians. Lewis Hamilton gave him the biggest Christmas card back in 2008 and there’s more to him than puns about his name and clocks. All we know is, he’s called…

TIMO GLOCK.

ldg

Some say he’s the odd Brazilian out, while others say he once beat Bruno Senna AND Felipe Massa…in thumb wrestling. Crossing the Finish Line is no challenge for him, and he keeps proposing a Reversed Starting Grid anonymously. All we know is, he’s called…

LUCAS DI GRASSI.

kk

Some say he’s the last heir of the Samurai, while others say pure Sake runs in his veins. He was rumoured to have  overtaken the speed of light once and Takuma Sato trembles in his very presence. All we know is, he’s called…

KAMUI KOBAYASHI.

pdr

Some say he secretly found the fountain of youth underneath the McLaren HQ in Woking, while others say he has a long-standing bet with Bernie Ecclestone on who can stay in F1 the longest. He’s the not the best secret-keeper in the world and he’s the only Spaniard with the middle name “Official Test Driver”. All we know is, he’s called…

PEDRO DELA ROSA.

nh1

Some say the solution to World Hunger and Poverty is hidden in the depths of his brown man-bag, while others say his racing mojo comes from his ever-present beard. Winning a race is overrated for him and he’d much rather challenge for 2nd or 3rd. He puts Justin Timberlake to shame with his dancing skills and he’s not ashamed to discuss his teams’ “wanking” to the entire world. All we know is, he’s called…

NICK HEIDFELD.

bs

Some say the whole of Brazil faints at the mere flutter of his eyelashes, while others say he was uttering the sound of a V8 engine before he could even say his first words. He’s not a dog’s best friend but his luscious curls are the envy of the paddock. All we know is, he’s called…

BRUNO SENNA.

kc

Some say he should be a stand-up comedian instead of a racing driver, while others say, why not do both? His eyebrows require their own postal code and his head has been certified Trulli Train-proof. All we know is, he’s called…

KARUN CHANDHOK.

sy

Some say he’s the King of Parking in Racing, too bad he does it during racedays and in the middle of the track. The Safety Car and Crane drivers are his best mates and we still don’t know what the heck he was thinking with the pink helmet he once wore. All we know is, he’s called…

SAKON YAMAMOTO.

ck

Some say he’s been with so many F1 teams throughout the years that he can both open his own temping agency called “Temp F1” and sell F1 merchandise on EBay. All we know is, he’s called…

CHRISTIAN KLIEN.