Unusual Nicknames In Football.

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Ah, name-calling: a practice that is now inextricable from the intricately-woven culture of football (and sport in general, actually).

Some are “legitimate”, some are gathered from various fansites, forums and word-of-mouth, and some are… from my colorful imagination. Wherever they’re from, all I know is, it is highly amusing and infinitely funnier to give footballers weird monickers:

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Xabi AlonsoMr. Perfect, Dexter, The Long Ranger


Daniel AggerDagger, Aggersome


Nicolas Anelka- Le Sulk

Andrei ArshavinArseshaving

David Beckham- Becksywecksy, Mr. PWhipped, Goldenballs

Joey BartonJoey Farton, JB, Mr. Hipster-Homicidal-Secretly a Teddy Bear Footballer

Craig Bellamy- Bellend

Rafa Benitez- Fat Spanish Waiter

Karim Benzema- KBenz

Dmitar Berbatov- BRBtov

Sepp Blatter- Sepptic Blatter, Sepp BlahBlahtter

Bojan- El Jailbait

Jamie Carragher- Carradonna, 23CarraGold

Iker Casillas- Mofeta, El Dork, San Nevernude

Petr Cech- Cechmate

Ashley Cole- A.Hole, Mr. Tweedy

Didier Drogba- The Drog, The Drog’s Balls

Patrice Evra- Whatevra

Cesc Fabregas- Cescbomb

Rio Ferdinand- Braapder, Oreo

Sir Alex Ferguson- Rednose, Purplenose, Hairdyer Master

Steven Gerrard- The G, Captain Fantastic

Pep Guardiola- Peppers

Guti- El Diva, Gutiiiiii!!!!

Roy Hodgson- Woyster

Gerard Houllier- Monsieur “We’re turning the corner soon”

Mats Hummels- Prince Mats

Andres IniestaCasper, Miniesta, Geniusta

Stephen Ireland- Stephen England; Otter

Toni Kroos- Count Kroos

Philip Lahm- Emperor Lahm

Frank Lampard- Mr. Deflection, Fat Lampard, Lumpard

Juan Mata- John Matter

Jose MourinhoJMo, Trollinho, Maureen

David Moyes- Gollum

Thomas Mueller- Precious Tommy

Michael Owen- Little Mickey, PermaCrock, MUMO

Lionel Messi- Football Messter, Mes Que Un Player

Mesut OzilBambi, Deer-Caught-In-Headlights

Gerard PiqueMr. Moc Moc, Mr. Christmas Tree, Piquechu, Mr. HerpDerp

Lukas Podolski- Polkadot, Prince Poldi

Carles Puyol- Slash, Tarzan

Peter Ramage- Rampage

Sergio Ramos- The Ramos, Alice in Wonderband, The Horse Whisperer, El Caballo

Harry Redknapp- ‘Arry ‘Oudini

Jamie Redknapp- Mr. “He’ll be disappointed with that”, Glass

Pepe Reina- El Jester, Pepsicle

Frank Ribery- The Face

Cristiano Ronaldo- Crispy, Eurogrease, Cristina

Ronaldo- Teletubby, Bucktooth

Wayne Rooney- Grannynator, Shrek

Bastian Schweinsteiger- Swaggermeister

Paul Scholes- Gingerpubes

Alan Shearer- She-Ra

David Silva- David Silver

Martin Skrtel- Skittles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtle

Jay Spearing- Spearochaun

Luis Suarez- Gerbil

John Terry- Cockney Yob

Fernando Torres- Fernanda Tresses, Ratita

Francesco Totti- Top Totty

Victor Valdes- The “Not Iker Casillas” Spanish Goalkeeper, VV

Andre Villas-Boas- Mourinho 2.0, Like A Boas

Neil Warnock- Nutter Neil

Arsene Wenger- Mr. Myopia, Mr. “I Didn’t See The Incident”

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Do you have your own kickass contribution/s? Leave a comment below and I’ll add it/them to the list!

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