The Bouncebackable Dictionary: FINGERAGE.

Standard

FINGERAGE:

-The act of raising the middle finger (or two fingers,  for some regions) in rage after an unpleasant encounter with a rival/opponent.

E.g.
Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel gave Narain Karthikeyan major fingerage after being impeded by his HRT in the Malaysian GP race.

.

GIF of “The Incident”.

.

Introducing The F1 Class of 2012…Through Limericks.

Standard

.

There once was a sport called F1,
Whose drivers are on par with no one.
They earn loads of dosh,
And live lives so posh,
Is that where all good men have gone?
.

Formula One Drivers are used to having hundreds, even thousands, of words written about them, whether positive or negative, in the form of articles, essays, or commentaries. However, I believe one of the best ways to honor someone or something you love is through poetry. Below are some limericks to describe the 24 esteemed drivers who shall be competing for the 2012 F1 World Drivers’ Championship. Some are facts, some have tad of fiction, and some are just downright silly. Who’s the fairest (or should that be ‘the most badass’) of them all?

.

Sebastian “The Finger” Vettel.

The Sebastian Vettel Limerick:

There once was a racer named Vettel,
Whose mad skills can raise on-track hell.
He likes waving his finger,
‘Cos it gives him that swagger,
Why not? His titles have now proved his mettle.

.

.

Mark “Motormouth” Webber.

The Mark Webber Limerick:

There once was a racer named Webber,
Two ain’t his favourite number.
When he opens his gob,
He can sound like a nob,
Don’t hate, he just feels like chopped liver.

.

.

 

button

Jenson “Vanilla” Button.

There once was a racer named Jens,
Who sees F1 through rose-coloured lens.
Some daresay he is boring,
Unless his car is a-roaring,
Either way, fans and critics are on the fence.

.

.

Lewis “I’m Cool” Hamilton.

The Lewis Hamilton Limerick:

There once was a racer named Ham,
Who has been through many a-racing jam.
His fashion shoots may be frightening,
But on-track, he’s like lightning,
His mojo storage is deep like a dam.

.

.

Fernando “The Eyebrows” Alonso.

The Fernando Alonso Limerick:

There once was a racer named Nando,
His rivals never made him preocupado.
He dislikes the word “fail”,
He’ll move mountains to prevail,
For sure, he is one hombre determinado.

.

.

Felipe "Baby" Massa.

The Felipe Massa Limerick:

There once was a racer called Flip,
Whose form is now suffering a dip.
He used to be the team’s fave,
But now his job he has to save,
The Scuderia’s close to giving him the snip.

.

.

Nico “Pretty Boy” Rosberg.

The Nico Rosberg Limerick:

There once was a racer named Rosberg,
Whose good looks is just the tip of the iceberg.
They may laugh and call him “Britney”,
But this golden lad’s ain’t a ninny,
Dontcha know he’s the heir of Keke Rosberg?!

.

.

 

schumacher

Michael “The Chin” Schumacher.

There once was a racer named Michael,
Who’s always involved with some on-track battle.
He cried “That’s just a nick!”
Still, they called him a prick,
And went to the stewards to tattle.

.

.

Kimi “Oops” Raikkonen.

The Kimi Raikkonen Limerick:

There once was a racer called Kimster,
Iceburn-ing the press? He’s the master.
This champ has proven his worth,
Is this return a racing rebirth?
Oops! watch out for his moves so gangster.

.

.

Romain “Croissant” Grosjean.

The Romain Grosjean Limerick:

There once was a racer called Romain,
Who fondly gets called “croissant”,
He is paired with The Iceman,
But he shall fight like a Frenchman,
To underestimate him? Thats an affront.

.

.

Paul “Long Face” DiResta .

The Paul DiResta Limerick:

There once was a racer named Paul,
Who drives very close to the wall.
He’s had many a-shunt,
But he’s still worth a punt,
And so with the punches he’ll roll.

.

.

Nico “Kimi 2.0” Hulkenberg.

The Nico Hulkenberg Limerick:

There once was a racer named Nico,
Whose pole in Brazil made us go loco.
Some say he looks a bit like Kimi,
That is why he’s so dreamy,
Now if only he can race like a wacko.

.

.

Jean-Eric “Frenchman no. 2” Vergne.

The Jean-Eric Vergne Limerick:

There once was a racer named Vergne,
The ways of F1 he wanted to learn.
He may be a noob driver,
But his swag shall not waver,
His critics, he hopes to iceburn.

.

.

Daniel “That Other Aussie” Ricciardo.

The Daniel Ricciardo Limerick:

There once was a racer named Dan,
Who’s a really big Toro Rosso fan.
Now his patience paid off,
Jaime and Seb got sent off,
For the seat, is he really the right man?

.

.

Kamui “Samurai” Kobayashi.

The Kamui Kobayashi Limerick:

There once was a racer named Kobayashi,
Who’s sometimes too quick for his chassis.
When he races full speed,
He’s like a noble steed,
A cult fave who is never ever flashy.

.

.

Sergio “Mr. Smiley” Perez.

The Sergio Perez Limerick:

There once was a racer called Checo,
Who had a massive shunt in Monaco.
He survived it still smiling,
For racing is his calling,
His fans love this lad muy simpatico.

.

.

Heikki “That Other Finn” Kovalainen.

The Heikki Kovalainen Limerick:

There once was a racer called Heikki,
Who bumped his head on a shunt in Turkey.
It’s been years since his last win,
But he stays cool, ‘cos he’s a Finn,
He works hard so his fans’ hearts won’t go achy-breaky.

.

.

Vitaly “Cyborg” Petrov.

The Vitaly Petrov Limerick:

There once was a racer called Vitaly,
Scary self-contained, almost an anomaly.
He edged out the Trulli train,
Much to some fans’ disdain,
Is he worth the team’s gamble? Totally!

.

.

Pastor “Last Lap Menace” Maldonado.

The Pastor Maldonado Limerick:

There once was a racer called Pastor,
He once had Rubens as a teammate and mentor.
But the Brazilian got the boot,
Cos Pastor’s backers have more loot,
And now he became Rubens’ tormentor.

.

.

senna

Bruno “The Nephew” Senna.

The Bruno Senna Limerick:

There once was a racer named Senna,
Who thought, “To just be my uncle’s nephew? I don’t wanna!”
And now with Williams he is back,
For another F1 attack,
Stay tuned–will his suerte be buena?

.

.

Timo “German no. 4” Glock.

The Timo Glock Limerick:

There once was a racer named Glock,
Who is one of the F1 German flock.
His potential’s still unused,
The fans remain bemused,
His time in F1 is crooning tick and tock.

.

.

Charles “Frenchman no. 3” Pic.

The Charles Pic Limerick:

There once was a racer named Pic,
Who fancied himself a bit quick.
But he’s a rookie in this joint,
Will he even score a point?
Let’s see if his sleeve has a good trick.

.

.

Pedro “Grandpa” Dela Rosa.

The Pedro Dela Rosa Limerick:

There once was a racer named Pedro,
Who once had skills and speed so raw.
Now he’s back for yet another shot,
Against a quicker, younger lot,
Will he still have cojones to show?

.

.

Narain “I Just Won’t Go Away” Karthikeyan.

The Narain Karthikeyan Limerick:

There once was a racer named Narain,
Who sometimes get confused with Bahrain.
He may be old and a slowpoke,
And for some, a recurring joke,
Just how will he cope with this new terrain?

.

Welcome to F1 2012!

Breaking The Ice: Fairly Serious Thoughts On Kimi Raikkonen’s F1 Comeback.

Standard

And so it came to pass that the first and last day of the F1 2012 pre-season testing was topped by none other than returning F1 champion Kimi Raikkonen.

I know it is difficult for us Kimi-supporters to take this with a grain of salt and not as some sort of an omen from the racing gods–but we have to. In fact, we must.

The Red Bull still looks strong, and the McLaren is not too far behind. Mercedes looks like it’s finally ready to mount a serious threat, and even though Ferrari does not seem like the force that it used to be, it still is very much unclear where Raikkonen’s team Lotus stands in the pecking order.

So below are some “Kimi Supporter Orders” that I shall impose on myself for the 2012 season (barring any meddling or complaints from Bernie, the FOM or the FIA):

Thou shalt not expect a race win, or even a podium finish, immediately.

I know that I, along with millions of Kimi fans will be praying to the racing gods that his first race, and his first full F1-season in two years, will be an emphatic one, but we have to give Kimi enough time to completely acclimatize himself back to F1 and to “get to know the car”, so to speak.  No doubt that he has the ability to surprise us all, but it’s always better to keep expectations in proper check.

Thou shalt not expect a more verbose Kimi in pre- and post-race interviews.

While I am grateful that the so-called “post-WRC” Kimi seems to be more open and willing when it comes to doing press duties, we have to remember that the constant, and sometimes-suffocating media attention and circus is partly what led to his sabbatical in 2009. And let’s face it, his racing skills are what gained him scores of fans through the years, not his elocution skills. So bring back the code-breakers and let’s try to decipher Kimi’s infamous mumblings once more!

Thou shalt maintain an objective eye on performances and results, and refrain from “feeding the trolls”.

The Kimi Army is famous (or should I say infamous?) for standing by and defending the Iceman to the moon and back, and while it is tempting to keep the rose-tinted glasses firmly in place, we must expect that not all results will be positive, and there will inevitably be criticism. It is already a fact that the media and some factions of fans are well-fond of finding faults in Kimi, and the least we Kimi fans can do is to have the class to be indifferent to  the negativity.

Thou shalt be patient, accept the good, the bad and the ugly. Above all, enjoy the “ride”.

Pretty much sums up everything in a neat, pristine bow.


The days are quickly passing by, and the tension and excitement are mounting. It has been said and written innumerable times before, but when you have 6 World Champions on the grid this season, there is bound to be some epic battles on- and off- the track. Bet on it.

It is not an easy task, but in the crazy world of F1 where the only predictable thing is its unpredictability, we have no choice but to Keep Calm and Hold On.

.

The Calm amidst the Impending F1 Storm.