An Open Letter To Kimi Raikkonen, Part 2.


I've to say, black does suit you, Kimi. And, I still don't know what goes on in that pretty head of yours. (image via PF1 Forum)

Dear Kimi,

You’ve got some nerve, you know that?

Once again, you’ve managed to ruin my impending life plans for 2012 by announcing your Formula 1 comeback just when I was starting to oh-so-slowly adjust to the F1 life without your icy, self-contained racer self.  How could you?!

My plans may have been ruined, and yet, I cannot stop smiling.

To be honest, the moment I heard your deal with Williams fell through, I just wanted to curse and shout at the racing gods for punishing us fans over and over again. The optimist in me has already started to consider what other options you have in motorsport, but still, 95% of my being is still screaming and wishing for that much-elusive F1 return.

And it happened. It felt so surreal and incredible. I’m still actually trying to digest all of these developments right now. Oh, and I was quite surprised that the internet did not explode the second your comeback made the news. See, even though you’ve only been within the periphery of the F1 circus in the last 2 years, only you have the power to make hundreds of thousands of racing fans collectively flail at the words “Kimi + F1 + comeback”. You like to keep that darn poker face on nearly 24/7 but come on, even you have to admit that that’s quite an impressive power to have.

So you’re going to Renault/Lotus, then? I find it a bit ironic and funny that you
somehow ended up with the team that you inadvertently iceburned when they tried to persuade you to return to F1 last year. Not that I’m complaining, though. You could have announced that you were coming back to F1 by way of resurrecting the old cult favorite team Super Aguri and I’d still let out a whoop of joy as if I’d won the lottery. Just watch out for that Boullier guy, yeah? I’m not entirely sure I trust him just yet. Then again, you have a pretty good built-in bullshit-detector so just keep that in tip-top shape and you should be ok.

I have not even given a thought about your future teammate, to tell the truth. I
suppose if it is Petrov then the media/fans would either have a field day in
making up spoofs on both your lack of verbosity or just simply be reduced to looking up at the sky and wondering how the hell they’d find the words to embellish their articles. On the positive side though, I suppose vodka would become Team Lotus’ drink of choice?. If it is Senna, then the sponsors would probably piss their pants in joy and you two would be one of, if not the most photographed team in the grid (of course both of you ain’t bad on track, either). If it is Grosjean, then…you’d have a new teammate in Grosjean? I don’t know, I’m not too keen on him, not that my opinion matters anyway. Hang on, is there any way you can convince Robert Kubica to come back quickly and partner you so my dream of Team Awesome Poker Face can come true? Just a thought.

At this point, I do not even care to know your exact reason/s for returning. I
know it’s not because you miss Bernie and his shenanigans or the media BS or the whole circus of it all. What matters most is that despite all of that, you came back, and that single action is more than enough to make the upcoming season an awesome one, and it has not even begun yet.

So, allow me to thank you, Kimi. Thank you for the twists and the turns and the downs and the ups and the slaps and the spanks and the punches of this rollercoaster ride. No one ever said it would be easy to be a supporter of yours, but every one of us wouldn’t have it any other way.

Tonight, I will sleep with a huge smile on my face and the knowledge that in 2012, there will be 6 World Champions in the grid competing in F1. Not to mention the fact that I will get the chance to see you and the Michael Schumacher renew your rivalry on-track (I need a moment to process this, someone hold me). I know that for you, those guys are just mere mortals and simply other drivers to overtake on the track, but that factoid is really blowing my mind right now, so don’t piss (or should that be “shit”?) on my parade, ok?

What’s 2 years of absence, anyway? Your true fans know you’re worth the wait and the expense to see live in action (still, that doesn’t mean I enjoyed the agony of your sabbatical. Damn you for the heartaches. Oops, I’m digressing…). Surely even the haters/critics, whether they admit it or not, are pleased to have you back.

Give them hell, Kimi. See you again in a few months’ time in Singapore. And
brace yourself for a “homecoming welcome” from your fans unlike any other. You may not be easily impressed but I’m telling you, it will be so good, you’ll regret why you ever left F1 in the first place.

Bouncebackabilitrix xx

I know it’s not in your character to do this, but just in case you ever bump into him, can you please go all gangsta and say “In yo face, Jacques Villeneuve!” to that muppet JV? It will really make my year. Thanks. 🙂

Also, would it be too much to ask you to get a decent haircut? Unless you’re still on that phase of wanting to channel James Hunt, I (and thousands of others) really do think that short hair suits you better. Now go on and enjoy your winter of fishing and screwing!



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