Limerick no. 2: Quo Vadis, Kimi?

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There once was a Finn named Kimster,
Who went from F1 to WRC driver
Now NASCAR is where he wants to be,
Is that a case of Racing ADHD?
Whatever, for sure he’s always a winner.

 

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Random Photo of the Day: Webber Likes Weiners.

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Red Bull driver Mark Webber’s smile whilst looking at the sausage he cooked in the barbie is a tad too self-satisfied for my liking. Hmm.

He got the prime PR job of posing for the photogs as he cooked on a Weber grill, while his teammate, 2010 WDC Sebastian Vettel, got stuck shearing sheep’s wool, of all things. Oh yes, gotta hand it to Webbo for exploiting the perks of being in your native land for the season-opener, indeed.

Anyway, Formula One is back this weekend. Here’s hoping for a cracking first race!

Footballers in Product Placements: Featuring Kaka

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Image via thedieline.com

This just might be the reason we’re not seeing much of the Brazilian midfielder on the pitch lately–Kaka’s too busy hawking this Thai snack food. Can’t blame him, though, he and his wife are expecting baby no. 2 soon so the man’s gotta work!

In other news, do any of you reckon he and his injured self are going to be shipped to the English Premier League this summer?

Presenting The Class of 2011: F1 Drivers and Their Theme Songs.

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Spare a thought for us, ardent racing fans. We’ve all endured months of motorsport drought, at times desperately pressing Refresh on our web browsers to check on the latest news, gossip and developments from our favourite websites and scouring numerous forums for video clips of the past seasons to analyze and tide us over until March rolls along. Now, the wait is almost over–but before we can formally welcome the new season, we must meet the main characters of this year’s sitcom/soap opera/circus. Who will be the heroes and who will be the villains? We all have to stay tuned to find out.

Meanwhile, if F1 drivers should have their own theme songs, what will they be?

"The winner takes it all...The The loser has to faallll...It’s simple and it’s plain Why should I complain...?"

Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)- The Winner Takes It All by Abba

While his infamous sense of humor makes him the perfect candidate to spontaneously bust out Abba songs during videoke nights, this gangly German is all business when it comes to racing. Going all out on a crucial race even if it means banging into his teammate and being unapologetic for his status as the team’s “favoured driver”, he ain’t called “Baby Schumi” for nothing. Expect the youngest WDC to use all his grit in the fight to keep his title. And then, maybe, he’ll treat us to a rendition of an Abba song afterward for our entertainment.

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"My stupid mouth, has got me in trouble. I said too much again..."

Mark Webber (Red Bull)- My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer

F1’s very own motor-mouth has gained equal parts supporters and critics with his unusual way of publicly voicing out his uncensored opinion before settling disputes and misunderstandings with his teammate, bosses and rival drivers. But let’s face it, F1 will definitely be less interesting without his unique brand of candor and perspective, so let’s hope this Aussie continues to rev up his 2nd engine, as he attempts to prove he’s nobody’s lapdog this season. Get your earplugs ready, people!

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"Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me, why can't they just let me live? I don't need permission, make my own decisions, that's my prerogative..."

Fernando Alonso (Ferrari)-My Prerogative by Bobby Brown

If winning a WDC gives a driver added moxie, then it’s small wonder that Nando has double the amount of what’s legal in terms of confidence (some will say arrogance). He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not averse to going to the extremes to get what he wants (just ask Lewis Hamilton, Felipe Massa, Vitaly Petrov. etc. etc.), when he wants it. He’s certainly not everyone’s cup of tea (or should that be sangria?), but as long as his hands are firmly grasping a winner’s trophy, this bushy-eyebrowed Spaniard is muy happy.

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"Aint about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other siiide...It's the cliiimmmbbb..."

Felipe Massa (Ferrari)- The Climb by Miley Cyrus

He was the driver the Scuderia retained over the likes of Michael Schumacher and Kimi Raikkonen (insert collective gasp here), so shouldn’t he have won at least 1 WDC by now? Whether it’s by unfortunate circumstances (note his horrific accident in the 2009 Hungarian GP weekend) or by some unexplained forces, this Brazilian’s quest for his first Championship is proving to be quite a Climb, indeed. Take heed from Ms. Cyrus’ “wise words”, Felipe: Ain’t about how fast you get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the Cliiimbbb…

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"Push it, make the beats go harder...Pu-pu-push it!"

Lewis Hamilton (McLaren)- Push It by Garbage

He was groomed to be the boy-next-door, mothers-grandmas-and-fluffy-puppies-love-him F1 ambassador since Day 1 of his career, but his boyish looks belie the hard-as-nails driver persona which surfaces every time he dons his yellow helmet. Fellow drivers must not be fooled by his innocent gap-toothed smile, when he’s in his silver McLaren car, he is unafraid to push the limits, so much so that even Canadian beavers scamper away when they see and hear him approaching.

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"You can't always get what you want...But if you try sometimes you might find...You get what you need..."

Jenson Button (McLaren)- You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones

It seems never a race passes by without this Englishman being caught on team radio complaining about something in his car: Whether it be vibrations, tyre choice, car balance, or his cup of tea not being hot enough or having enough sugars (okay, I added that last bit), it’s truly an event when he comes out of the car and says he’s “happy” with it. It is hoped that this season, Mr. Button will do more racing and less whinging. Put that 2009 WDC racing skills to good use, will you?

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"And more, much more than this...I did it Myyyyy Wayyyyyy..."

Michael Schumacher (Mercedes GP)- My Way by Frank Sinatra

Say it with me: He’s won it 7 Times. Making an F1 comeback in an age considered ancient by critics is something weak-hearted drivers will not even attempt to do. He does things his own way, never mind what the other drivers and the critics will say. Then again, he is THE Michael Schumacher, the driver that represented a whole era of the sport, and if 7 titles do not give him some sort of entitlement to have some swagger around the paddock, then I don’t know what will. Oh, and he’s probably the only driver in the group (except maybe Rubens) who knows the lyrics to this song.

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"You're so vain...I bet you think this song is about you, you're soooo vain..."

Nico Rosberg (Mercedes GP)-You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

Sometimes, you have to feel for poor Nico Rosberg: He’s a more-than-decent racer, he seems like a nice guy, and it’s quite difficult to dislike him, but why in heavens’ sake is he more known for having the monicker “Britney” inside and outside the paddock? Perhaps it’s high time for him to stop worrying about the state of his golden locks (although I have to admit they are magnificent) and focus more on what his job description primarily entails: winning and collecting points. And fulfilling his potential as The Next Big Thing. P.S. Can you imagine the reaction in the paddock if he ever decides to shave all of his hair off? Just a thought.

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"Baby you're a Fiiireeework... Come on show them what you're worth! Make them go Ohh Ohh Ohhh...As you shoot across the skyyy..."

Nick Heidfeld (Lotus Renault)- Firework by Katy Perry

While it is rather unfortunate that this hardworking German has always been eclipsed by his teammates, his loyal followers will always believe that he is bound to snatch that elusive first race win soon enough. He may not have the flamboyance nor the showmanship of his fellow drivers, but he wasn’t nicknamed ‘Quick Nick’ for nothing. So go grab that brown manbag of yours and show them what you’re worth this season, Nick! P.S. Hopefully, he decides to repeat his infamous dance moves and do them in the podium when (not if) he gets his race win. That would be Epic.

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"So, you're a rocket scientist...That don't impress me much."

Vitaly Petrov (Lotus Renault)- That Don’t Impress Me Much by Shania Twain

The man who marches to the beat of his own drums, the driver who is not fazed by rumours of being replaced by Kimi Raikkonen and refused to kowtow to a double-WDC winner when a Championship is on the line. At times he is completely anonymous, but when he makes his presence felt, he makes sure it’s headline-worthy. So unless you can offer something so extraordinarily out-of-this-world, I’m sorry, but this Russian is just simply too hard to impress.

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"This is my quest, to follow that star...No matter how hopeless, no matter how faaar..."

Rubens Barrichello (Williams)- The Impossible Dream by Jack Jones

We have to give credit when credit is due–Rubens is now an institution to F1, considering that he’s still out there and banging wheels with other drivers who still wore nappies when he was already rubbing elbows with the now-legendary drivers. However, much like Felipe Massa, his continuous attempt to win a WDC may just become a mere pipe dream. No harm in trying, though. So carry on, Rubens, if for anything, at least Schumi still has a batchmate to reminisce those ‘good ‘ol times’ with.

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"Your technique it leaves me weak...My heart knows it's the beat I seek...(And I found it)...Just got lucky...Just got lucky..."

Pastor Maldonado (Williams)- Just Got Lucky by Jo Boxers

Wrangling a racing seat away from the 2010 Brazilian GP pole-sitter and ex-GP2 champ Nico Hulkenberg is no easy feat, and although the cynics say his hiring was more brought about by cold business and the element of luck, this GP2 Champ will be determined to prove his worth and make Williams fans forget about the Golden Boy he supposedly dethroned.

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"Now I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) Said I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh) And its startin' to feel good..."

Heikki Kovalainen (Lotus)- Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves

Heikki seemed to have missed the “Poker Face” memo circulated among Finnish racing drivers, but that amazingly worked to his advantage. In a racing series that was dominated by the icy-coolness of Raikkonen and Hakkinen, his eternal optimism and ready cheery smile is a breath of fresh air for some fans. Plus, his hardwork, quick-thinking (remember his stint as a firefighter in the 2010 Singapore GP?) and go-go-go attitude makes him a perfect team player, indeed.

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"Do it nice and easy now don't lose control...A little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul...So come on, come on,Do the loco-motion with meeee..."

Jarno Trulli (Lotus)- Locomotion by Kylie Minogue

Seriously, you have not been an F1 fan long enough if you don’t immediately deduce the connection between Jarno and this song. Although he has not driven absolute duds during his career, fellow drivers have always dreaded the thought of being stuck behind “The Trulli Train” at any point in a race. Besides, I bet Jarno must have busted some swell moves to this tune at least once during his younger days.

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"I don't wanna rock, dj...But you're making me feel so nice. When's this gonna stop, dj? You'll be keeping me up all night..."

Jaime Alguersuari (Toro Rosso)- Rock DJ by Robbie Williams

This youngest-ever F1 driver makes incurring penalties from Race Control positively cool. And then goes on to produce sick beats in honor of them. Youth is certainly not wasted on this lad. Future Champ/Icon in the making? Perhaps. I bet he surreptitiously unplugs his earphones from the car radio during races and connects them to his iPod instead. Rock on, Mr. Racer by Day, DJ by night.

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"Woohoo! When I feel heavy metal...Woohoo! And I'm pins and I'm needles! Woohoo! Well I lie and I'm easy...All of the time I am never sure why I need you..."

Sebastian Buemi (Toro Rosso)- Song 2 by Blur

He’s not as outspoken nor as headline-worthy as his teammate, but there’s something about Buemi that’s just intriguing. Is it his mysterious aura? Or is it just because you can’t help but cheer him on when he brashly takes on the more experienced drivers on track? Whatever it is, this song is much like Buemi, it doesn’t always make sense, but somehow, it works.

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"Take on me...Take me on...I'll be gone In a day or two..."

Kamui Kobayashi (Sauber)- Take On Me by A-ha

Hailed by some fans as The Second Coming of Takuma Sato, this fearless Japanese driver has accumulated a cult following because of his impressive defensive driving skills on racedays. He doesn’t care which team you’re from or what credentials you have, if you want to pass him, you have to take him on with all driving skills you have. Good luck with that!

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"Waiting for tonight, whoaaa...when you will be here in my arms...Waiting for tonight...whoaaa..."

Sergio Perez (Sauber)- Waiting for Tonight by Jennifer Lopez

So Alguersuari finally gets a playmate who’s born within the same decade as he was. Sergio may be a new kid on the F1 block, but his racing CV is already as long as a pitlane (okay, I jest). He’s been waiting for this chance all his life and now is the time to dig deep and give it all he has. Besides, he’s probably the only one who can do justice to this song’s Latin beats. Ole!

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"N-n-now that that don't kill me...Can only make me stronger...I need you to hurry up now...'Cause I can't wait much longer..."

Adrian Sutil (Force India)- Stronger by Kanye West

Unflappable. No amount of shunts, crashes nor catfights will dampen the spirit of this…gentle driver, and with every year that he stays in F1, he is getting closer and closer to a podium finish. Can we expect a more ‘gangsta’ Sutil to come out this season? Hopefully.

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"Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it..."

Paul diResta (Force India)- Finally by CeCe Peniston

At long last, the boy has made it into F1! Is he worth the wait, and can he justify the team’s decision to pick him over the more experienced Hulkenberg? For now, all he has to do is to sit back and enjoy his ride, for no one can predict if he can hold on to it for the whole season.

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"So many tears I've cried...So much pain inside...But baby it ain't over 'til it's over..."

Narain Kathikeyan (HRT)- It Ain\’t Over \’Til It\’s Over by Lenny Kravitz

It’s probably safe to bet that this driver’s favourite saying is “Try and try until you succeed”, judging by his colourful and ‘interesting’ journey in F1. Will his accumulated driving experience in other series help him revive his F1 career? well, it ain’t over ’til it’s over.

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"When the road gets dark...And you can no longer see...Just let my love throw a spark... And have a little faith in me..."

Vitantonio Liuzzi (HRT)- Have A Little Faith In Me by John Hiatt

He may not stay long enough in teams to become eligible for the Employee of the Year Award, but you have to give props to Tonio’s ability in besting younger drivers and snagging racing seats when it matters. Proof that sometimes, experience is preferred over youth and hype, if he can keep the car firmly on the track in as many races as possible, then his work is half done.

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"Hello silence, my old friend...I've come to talk with you again..."

Timo Glock (Virgin)- The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

Barring his involvement in the 2008 Brazilian GP WDC-gate, this quiet German has remained largely inconspicuous, although he does manage to pull out moments of brilliance when needed (note his 2009 Malaysian GP podium finish). He may have to endure wisecracks on his recent appendectomy going into the season-opener, but he’s still Virgin’s best hope in popping their point-less cherry (Yeah, I just had to use that pun. Deal with it).

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"Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Let it be...Speaking words of wisdom, let it beee..."

Jerome D’Ambrosio (Virgin)- Let It Be by The Beatles

So he’s the first Belgian racer F1 will have in several years. The question is, will he become a dominant force (especially in Spa-Francorchamps) or a disappointing dud? He hasn’t exactly had a sterling start to his F1 career (causing 2 red flags during testing), but perhaps it’s best to hold off on judgments first and just…let him be.

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Have you picked your bets yet? Choose wisely and buckle up, this season is going to be a cracker.