For Women Only: The Bouncebackable Guide to Understanding Football + Motorsport.

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The old saying “If you can’t beat them, join them” would not have survived years and years of seemingly endless repetition if it was not true, and in the case of men, football and wheels, the truth it holds should be multiplied over a million times. And then exponentially increased until mathematics and physics cannot quantify it anymore.

Men have long enjoyed a tumultuous, but ultimately pleasurable, love affair with football and motorsport. Accept it. NOW. You cannot do anything about it so you might as well just throw in the proverbial towel and turn that love affair into a steamy menage-a-trois (foursome, even), and have fun messing with his mind while you’re at it  (A woman, liking football?! Motorsport?! What on earth?!).

This section of the blog aims to help you achieve just that–In no time at all, you shall be transformed into a confident, knowledgeable, self-sufficient, fantastic-female-football/motorsport-fan (try saying that ten times in a row) who will be able to march into any pub, club ground, track, heck, even a television studio, and discuss the ins-and-out of football and racing intensively and extensively.

Still with me? Good, because trust me, we are going to have so much fun.

Now, time for introductions. As your self-appointed instructor, I feel compelled to share my relatively brief but significantly fruitful, history with football & motorsport: First of all, I do not personally play the game, and while I do have a drivers’ license, it’s not in any way Super, therefore I am not allowed to race cars nor bikes. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit it– I am an Armchair Fan. Remember that term, for it is a rather useful and omnipresent term, especially in football:

Armchair fan– someone who does not play the game/sport but enjoys watching and supporting it. It can also pertain to a football fan who does not travel to go see his club play live and prefers to support them in the comfort of his/her living room.

You now have your very first ‘jargon’ sorted. However, this is not the last time you shall be encountering the aforementioned term, for it deserves dissecting in succeeding entries.

Moving on, I am still currently geographically-constrained from seeing my team and club from playing live, and to add to the agony, time-zone constraints also come into the picture, therefore, For the last 13 years, I have inevitably contracted chronic insomnia, canceled numerous social appointments, made some coffee farmers and manufacturers wealthy, and endured less-than-glowing-morning-after-complexions just so I can follow football matches on the telly/PC/laptop live. However, I have been fortunate enough to attend a couple of Formula One races in Asia–an experience that was unlike any other. If you ever accuse me of not loving football or motorsport enough, I shall personally make sure to reenact those Looney Tunes-moments when a massive anvil is about to fall on Wile E. Coyote’s head, only I’d replace him with you. I think that about establishes just how much I love those sports, no?

By the way, there will be no rigid nor linear structure as to how this ‘course’ will go on. What I write shall depend on what is on my mind at the moment, what matches or races I’ve recently seen, and what’s relevant and dominating the headlines. Also, there will be numerous analogies and anecdotes as to how football, wheels, and life with men are connected. I assure you, they are almost mutually exclusive that you’ll wonder why you yourself hasn’t realized them sooner.

That will do for now, I think. We shall begin the wonderful journey towards football and motorsport enlightenment with the succeeding entries. For the meantime, keep this thought with you at all times: “It’s Football, NOT Soccer.”

Hang on, that is another article altogether.

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